Make believe stories about my neighbour

My son and I have moved into our new flat.  We are on the first floor and have a downstairs and an upstairs neighbour. 

From my sofa near the lounge window I can see my downstairs neighbour leave her flat.  She doesn’t leave very often, but she does seem to have quite a strange routine.

She leaves her flat with a wheelie suitcase at about 16:30 every day.  It is not a smart suitcase.  She is clearly not going away on business.  She doesn’t wear a suit.  She tends to wear a pastel coloured t-shirt and a mid-calf length skirt.  I’d guess she is in her late forties.  She is not glamorous and doesn’t really seem to worry about fashion.  I imagine that she looked like she is was in her late forties when she was in her twenties.  On the plus side, I suspect that she will look like she is in her late forties when she is in her sixties.  She is ageless and timeless.

I first noticed her strange routine on a Saturday afternoon and I presumed that she was going away for the night…but she always seems to return.  Today is Monday night and I have just seen her return at 20:44.  What on earth is in that suitcase on wheels and what on earth does she do with it for four hours in the late afternoon / early evening ?

I have turned into a net curtain twitcher, except I don’t actually have curtains yet; my surveillance is obvious, explicit and overt.   I am intrigued, curious and slightly obsessed.

Hypothesis number 1:  She sews old ladies underwear and delivers new knickers to the nursing home down the road every day except Sunday. It is possible.   If my grandmother is anything to go by, old ladies always want new knickers and at the sunset of life, you should be able to have whatever you want. Right?  Maybe she sews them in the morning and then packs up her wares after lunch and walks them down the road ready to lay them out on the table next to the tea and cake in the nursing home.  She probably does a roaring trade!  Except, I never hear a sewing machine…


Hypothesis number 2:  She has a maid’s costume, not a raunchy one, but rather a costume like the one’s they wore on Downtown Abbey, in her suitcase and she has an appointment with a paying gentleman friend six afternoons a week.  I don’t think it is a salacious arrangement.  He just likes to watch a woman dressed in a  conservative maid’s costume clean his home every afternoon.  She reminds him of his mother. His mother was a maid and watching my neighbour reminds him of his childhood.  It makes him feel safe, secure and loved. 

Hypothesis number 3:  She has a suitcase full of loaves of bread and is taking them down to the river (we live quite close to the river) to feed the ducks.  Maybe she sings whilst she is throwing the bread: “Feed the ducks, one pound a loaf, one pound, one pound, from local Tesco’s, Feed the ducks, one pound a loaf, one pound, one pound, from local Tesco’s” (song gets higher and squeakier at the end). 

This is killing me.  I need to find out.  I am going to have to ‘bump’ into her as she is leaving and offer to carry her suitcase down the three steps to the road.  That will give me an idea of the weight and therefore a clue as to the contents.  You never know, she may even offer up an explanation.  I hope she doesn’t though,  it will ruin my imaginary fun.

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    • thesingleswan
      August 1, 2015 / 9:02 pm

      Kids parties and an entertainer??? A good suggestion. She doesn’t have kids of her own though, or at least I don’t think she does. Her elderly mother lives in the flat with her.

  1. August 1, 2015 / 4:58 am

    I love your ideas, especially the song! I’ll wager she is a tutor or after school club provider – does she do it during the summer too?
    x Alice
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    • thesingleswan
      August 1, 2015 / 9:01 pm

      Ahh, now that is actually a very sensible suggestion. She does seem to be doing it still and the schools have broken up round here. Kids still have tuition during the summer holidays. I’ll watch to see whether the timings change. x

    • thesingleswan
      August 1, 2015 / 8:58 pm

      Door to door sales person. I hadn’t thought of that. I’ll add it to my list of hypotheses.

  2. August 1, 2015 / 11:39 am

    ha ha ha! I love this! I wonder if you ever find out? Maybe she’s an Ann Summers party girl and it full of ‘interesting’ products!
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    • thesingleswan
      August 1, 2015 / 8:57 pm

      I don’t know, she really doesn’t look like the Ann Summers type, if indeed there is a type. I bet the true is actually dull. I am going to stick with the stories for entertainment. x

    • thesingleswan
      August 1, 2015 / 8:56 pm

      thanks, glad you enjoyed it. Spying on your neighbours is one of the advantages of living in a block of flats.

  3. August 1, 2015 / 6:59 pm

    Too funny! Who knows, you might not want to know lol #effitfriday

    • thesingleswan
      August 1, 2015 / 8:55 pm

      True. Although I reckon the truth is probably quite dull. The fiction is much better. x

  4. August 2, 2015 / 7:29 am

    Interesting haha! I think that you really need to ‘bump’ into her for a talk to know more but I think its the last one. We live near a park and there is this lady who always have her wheelie bag and inside are bread and cereals she feeds the pigeons. Just the pigeons. She doesnt like the seagulls. She shoos them away.

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    • thesingleswan
      August 2, 2015 / 8:30 pm

      Excellent. Yes, a ‘bump’ is in order. I’ll see what I can do!

  5. August 2, 2015 / 8:46 pm

    hahaha glad you’re back and your internet is up and running! This post really made me laugh and now I’m dying to know too!! Please “bump” into her and get chatting…does she carry a handbag as well or just the wheelie?!
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    • thesingleswan
      August 3, 2015 / 8:47 pm

      I will see what I can do and yes, I am glad to be back. Life without internet is really tough! Yes, she carries a handbag as well…

    • thesingleswan
      August 4, 2015 / 9:12 pm

      It might have something to do with costumes and being a lady of well, the early evening rather than the night really. x

    • thesingleswan
      August 6, 2015 / 9:57 pm

      Hmmm, reality is never quite as fun as make believe though is it? Curiously, the strange wheelie suitcase routine seems to have stopped over the last few days. I don’t know what this means. AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH Not knowing is so frustrating.

  6. August 20, 2015 / 6:54 am

    O my …. have you found out? It’s interesting watching those around us go about their daily business and intriguing when they catch our attention enough but we can’t figure out what their daily business is. 🙂 All the best with finding out and satisfying your curiosity :-). #CommentLuv
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    • thesingleswan
      August 23, 2015 / 8:38 am

      No, I haven’t found out and she has recently stopped taking the suitcase out for an early evening circuit. I am very disappointed. I am hoping it will start again soon.

  7. August 23, 2015 / 6:02 am

    This is so, so entertaining! I am actually a little miffed I didn’t write this type of piece myself!

    I expect follow up posts!

    • thesingleswan
      August 23, 2015 / 8:25 am

      Thanks for your comment. I am glad you enjoyed it. I really enjoyed writing this post. I am however a bit miffed that she has stopped these strange early evening pursuits. My neighbours are deserting me. I don’t know what to do!

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