The Single Swan

The Journey of a Single Mother

Yippee, we sold our house today

We exchanged contracts on the sale of our house today.  My ex partner also exchanged contracts on the purchase of his new house.  We are due to complete at the end of the month.  Although I haven’t really appreciated it until this evening, today is a great day.  Today marks the start of the countdown.  A countdown until the day when our stressful, wearisome, tense, atmospheric and at times tempestuous co-habitation will finally end.

13.5 days

324 hours

19440 minutes

1166400 seconds (at time of calculation) 

We split up on 15 February this year. I am leaving him.  I have to.  If I don’t I will be but a shadow of my former self. 

Since then, we have been living under the same roof but different ceilings.  I started off being really accommodating: I did all of his washing, cooking, shopping. Given that I also work full time, that wasn’t fair so I have gradually scaled back.  I still do the lions share of the work around the house, but that is because my son and I also live in the house.  We deserve a nice place to live.   

The sheets on my ex’s bed haven’t been changed since mid-March.  I don’t think he believes that it is even possible for one person, on their own, to change the sheets on a double bed.  It hasn’t occurred to him that I used to do it.    His work shirts are grubby, because he doesn’t put stain remover on the collars and cuffs and he has been living on a diet of skips (those crisps that dissolve in your mouth) and microwave meals.  I can’t really criticise, my diet is a plate of salad or vegetables, 70% cocoa Lindt chocolate and wine (usually red). 

His house purchase is progressing nicely. He will move into his new house at the end of June. 

My flat purchase is encountering a few obstacles, and could well encounter a few more because I am buying from an 86 year old lady.  She is lovely. She plans to leave me a dish cloth and a bar of soap in the bathroom because she “knows what it is like when you first move into a new home”.  I know that I cannot pressure her.  It would be morally wrong to do so.  She needs to move in her own time and at her own pace.  I have ‘broken the chain’ in Estate agents’ speak and will be moving in with my superhero parents for a few days/weeks (months?  I hope not). 

I asked my ex whether he was pleased that we had exchanged today.  He said that he is relieved because it would have caused him a whole lot more stress if his purchase wasn’t progressing.

I don’t understand how he can not be relieved that our co-habitation is due to come to an end.  It is hell on earth.  I dread him coming home.  I brace myself for the arguments, for the instructions because he treats me like his PA.  I don’t understand how he doesn’t find our situation stressful too. 

What he really meant though is that he is angry and bitter that I am leaving him, that I am doing this to him.  How could I leave him?  At work, he is, in his words, the ‘sap’ whose fiancee left him. He takes no responsibility for the breakdown of our relationship, despite the fact that neither of us love each other and he wishes I were more like this and more like that.   

He is blameless and the victim.  I don’t think that this will ever change. 

13.4 days

321 hours

19260 minutes

1155600 seconds (at time of calculation)

The Uncheshire Wife

And then the fun began...

Mamaduckquacks

18 Comments

  1. Jeez, I could NOT have lived with my ex after we split. He was a mega twonk (to put it politely). You’re must have the patience of a saint. Hope all goes well

    • thesingleswan

      June 17, 2015 at 8:32 pm

      This really made me laugh. This is an excellent title for a blog post. “My ex was a mega twonk’ – probably not great for SEO. Have you thought about it? Thanks for your comment.

  2. Yay! Congratulations. I honestly don’t know how you have done it. I think it would be a nightmare to live through. When I left my ex-husband (and I know this sounds bad) I took the day off work and stuffed all my belongings into hundreds of plastic bags and got my dad to come and pick me up. He caught wind of what was going on and showed up towards the end of the packing up and I was so glad my dad was there when I had “the conversation” with him. I just couldn’t have told him that I fully intended to leave him (he was a full on alcoholic) and then continued on living together after that conversation. I realise it would be a hell of a lot harder with a child/children in the picture. So pleased that you will be able to make the split properly and begin the process of getting on with your life now. Xx #thetruthabout
    thenthefunbegan recently posted…The Truth about… #30My Profile

    • thesingleswan

      June 17, 2015 at 8:31 pm

      Hi, Goodness me, you really went through it didn’t you? I can’t imagine how hard it must have been to be married to an alcoholic. We are so lucky to have our parents. The challenge for me in the future will be co-parenting with someone who is very angry with me, feels dejected and is bitter about it. Our lives will be forever entwined because of our son so I’d better get used to it. Thanks for your comment and support. x

  3. Fantastic, your excitement comes across in this post. I do hope the ‘old lady’ moves soon so you can begin your new life. Good luck x
    Lorraine recently posted…Talk about it Tuesday 16/6/15My Profile

    • thesingleswan

      June 17, 2015 at 8:28 pm

      HI Lorraine,

      Yes, I am very excited. I will be even more excited when I exchange on the purchase of my flat and even more excited again when I finally move. I know four months isn’t actually that long to be living with an ex, but it feels like forever. Look out for more highly excitable blog posts in a couple of weeks’ time. Thanks for your comment.

  4. This is great news! Roll on this new part of your life. x
    Rebecca (Life Through Reb’s Lens) recently posted…LostMy.Name Book ReviewMy Profile

  5. I can barely live with my husband, whom I love dearly and with my whole heart, so I can’t imagine living with a gigantic twat bag who expected me to still do his cooking, cleaning, and raising of his child.
    Also, if you’re looking for something to occupy the remaining 1155600 seconds (at time of calculation), may I suggest sprinkling a tad bit of itching powder on those unwashed sheets? I bet he figures out where the washer is real quick after that.
    (P.S. Good for you for leaving a toxic relationship. Too many people stay part of a couple and lose themselves in the process. I know I don’t know you, and you don’t know me, so it’s weird to say this, but I’m proud of you! Yay for strong women!)
    Helleanor Rigby recently posted…My Mom Offered to Send Me to Fat Camp…. On My 30th BirthdayMy Profile

    • thesingleswan

      June 18, 2015 at 8:48 pm

      Where can one buy itching powder? Hmm.

      Thanks for being proud of me. I am proud of myself sometimes too. Yay for strong women.

  6. Congratulations! You must be so relieved. I hope you’re flat comes through nice and quickly for you. The old lady sounds lovely 🙂 #happyquacks
    Debbie
    http://www.myrandommusings.blogspot.com
    Random Musings recently posted…Book Review: The Ritual by Adam NevillMy Profile

    • thesingleswan

      June 18, 2015 at 8:46 pm

      Hi Debbie,

      I cannot tell you how relieved I am. I will be even more relieved when I have exchanged contracts on my flat purchase and actually move – although I know that this will also be a really emotional time. Challenges and opportunities ahead!

  7. Are you sure you haven’t crawled into my head and read my mind?? 😉 I felt exactly the same way about my ex…I think you’re honestly amazing for living under the same roof for 4 months!! My ex is pretty much the same as yours although he likes to think people think otherwise when he gives them his sob stories (lies). BUT this is about #happyquacks so congratulations!!!! I hope the old lady comes around soon. Thanks for linking up xx
    Natasha recently posted…#HappyQuacks Linky Wk 1My Profile

    • thesingleswan

      June 18, 2015 at 8:45 pm

      Hi Natasha,

      Thanks for reading and for your comment.

      I have to keep reminding myself that there are some great men and some great Dad’s out there. The disadvantage (and advantage) of writing single mum blogs is that you often attract others who are going through and have been through similar challenges with their exs. This is great for support, but not a great reminder that there are descent men out there.

      Apologies to all of you great fathers and husbands. Unfortunately, not every father or husband is/was as great as you!

      x

  8. I admire you for being so strong and dealing with all the “nuisances” of a forced cohabitation in such a ladylike way. The countdown to your freedom has begun. All my love. Take care and keep your head high !
    Baci,
    Coco et La vie en rose fashion blog – Valeria Arizzi
    Coco recently posted…Wood watches – Orologi in legno – Accessori Moda Estate 2015My Profile

    • thesingleswan

      June 23, 2015 at 9:16 pm

      Thank you. Yes, my countdown to freedom has begun. I cannot wait. I am wishing the time away. Thanks for your support. x

  9. Pen,
    The minute they decide they are the victim it will never change. My ex was having a thing with my ex best friend for probably years, and when I kicked him out he turned it around and made me look like the bad guy. I think you should be proud of yourself for having the strength to leave and take care of your son on your own! Staying in a loveless relationship is bad for everyone involved.

    • thesingleswan

      June 30, 2015 at 8:44 pm

      Thanks Tania,

      He has an extraordinary way of making people feel sorry for him. I don’t really know how he does it. I feel guilty for a bit but then when I stop to think about things objectively I know that I shouldn’t. He is a taker and uses his victim persona to get what he wants. Take care and thanks for commenting.

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