We exchanged contracts on the sale of our house today. My ex partner also exchanged contracts on the purchase of his new house. We are due to complete at the end of the month. Although I haven’t really appreciated it until this evening, today is a great day. Today marks the start of the countdown. A countdown until the day when our stressful, wearisome, tense, atmospheric and at times tempestuous co-habitation will finally end.
1166400 seconds (at time of calculation)
We split up on 15 February this year. I am leaving him. I have to. If I don’t I will be but a shadow of my former self.
Since then, we have been living under the same roof but different ceilings. I started off being really accommodating: I did all of his washing, cooking, shopping. Given that I also work full time, that wasn’t fair so I have gradually scaled back. I still do the lions share of the work around the house, but that is because my son and I also live in the house. We deserve a nice place to live.
The sheets on my ex’s bed haven’t been changed since mid-March. I don’t think he believes that it is even possible for one person, on their own, to change the sheets on a double bed. It hasn’t occurred to him that I used to do it. His work shirts are grubby, because he doesn’t put stain remover on the collars and cuffs and he has been living on a diet of skips (those crisps that dissolve in your mouth) and microwave meals. I can’t really criticise, my diet is a plate of salad or vegetables, 70% cocoa Lindt chocolate and wine (usually red).
His house purchase is progressing nicely. He will move into his new house at the end of June.
My flat purchase is encountering a few obstacles, and could well encounter a few more because I am buying from an 86 year old lady. She is lovely. She plans to leave me a dish cloth and a bar of soap in the bathroom because she “knows what it is like when you first move into a new home”. I know that I cannot pressure her. It would be morally wrong to do so. She needs to move in her own time and at her own pace. I have ‘broken the chain’ in Estate agents’ speak and will be moving in with my superhero parents for a few days/weeks (months? I hope not).
I asked my ex whether he was pleased that we had exchanged today. He said that he is relieved because it would have caused him a whole lot more stress if his purchase wasn’t progressing.
I don’t understand how he can not be relieved that our co-habitation is due to come to an end. It is hell on earth. I dread him coming home. I brace myself for the arguments, for the instructions because he treats me like his PA. I don’t understand how he doesn’t find our situation stressful too.
What he really meant though is that he is angry and bitter that I am leaving him, that I am doing this to him. How could I leave him? At work, he is, in his words, the ‘sap’ whose fiancee left him. He takes no responsibility for the breakdown of our relationship, despite the fact that neither of us love each other and he wishes I were more like this and more like that.
He is blameless and the victim. I don’t think that this will ever change.