The most important thing about me is that I am a single mum.  I have been a single mum for three years now.  Even if I marry or find myself in a long term relationship I will still feel like a single mum.  When you’ve had children with someone with whom you are no longer coupled your separation defines everything.  Apparently, good separations do exist.  Good separations are where everything works swimmingly, payments arrive on time, your partner sticks to arrangements,…

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I want to begin by confessing that I never really thought much about parenting before I became a parent, but I do know that parenting has changed in the last 50 years.  I wasn’t one of those women who dreamt of being a mother as soon as I hit puberty.  I wasn’t one of those women who read every single parenting book on the shelf when I was pregnant –  in fact I don’t think I read any parenting books…

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When I was a little girl, and indeed right through my University years, my mother used to buy us each a little present to help us to survive Valentine’s Day .  She would give us a heart shaped chocolate lollipop or a little trinket to show that she loved us.  When I was a teenager and still living at home, it felt like all of my friends had boyfriends and were desperately in love (with some guy they’d met at…

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Last Friday I went on the second worst date I have ever been on.  We both swiped right on Bumble.  He was fairly chatty.  Some of his early questions were a bit deep and direct considering that we’d never met;  he asked me why a partner might want to split up with me.  I found this a curious question, but I answered because I have an aversion to small talk and sometimes you just have to cut to the chase. …

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This Christmas will be my second Christmas without my son.  Christmas without your kids can feel very wrong and it never occurred to me that I might one day experience it.  It never occurred to me that I might one day become a single mother.  It occurred to me even less that I might one day learn to appreciate the joy of being a single parent.  My first Christmas a single mum without my son was monumentally tough but I…

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I have wonderful people in my life; does it matter that I haven’t found The One ? It happens all the time.  By the time we reach our thirties our group of school friends, or university mates is replaced by a husband or a wife.  We move out of the city, where our closest companions have lived in close proximity for the last five years, to the suburbs or to the country.  Our city lives are replaced by suburbia and…

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Our co-parenting arrangements have changed. Cygnet used to spend one day each weekend with me and one day each weekend with his Daddy.  We had been operating this arrangement since we separated when Cygnet was 5 months old.  We have recently switched to alternate weekends whereby Cygnet spends one weekend with me and then the next weekend with his Daddy. Really young children have short memories. When Cygnet was really young it was important to me that our co-parenting arrangements…

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I can finally feel the joy of being a single parent. Becoming a single parent when my son was five months old felt like trekking off alone into the dark wilderness where the wind was biting and howling and I had this precious little baby to protect and to shelter.  I didn’t know whether I could do it.  None of my friends were single parents.  Not all of them were married but all were happily coupled.  On my single parent…

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I make no bones of the fact that sometimes I would quite like to have a boyfriend. Only sometimes though!  Secret single behaviours are those weird things that people do when they are alone, away from the prying eyes of the public and away from the ears of those who may condemn or criticise. My secret single behaviours include sitting on my own on the sofa eating dark Lindt chocolate and drinking wine in the evening.  I am not sure…

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There are times when single parenting is really tough.  Sometimes co-parenting is really tough.  Don’t get me wrong, some single parents would do anything for the other parent to be involved in their child’s upbringing, for an evening off every once in a while, to have an uninterrupted night’s sleep a couple of nights a week.  This is how to cope without your child through co-parenting milestones. No one ever said that co-parenting was going to be easy, but this…

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