I have a bit of a confession to make:  I am a bit rubbish at this blogging malarky.  I am okay at writing blog posts, that’s my favourite bit.  I like writing, but at times I feel like I am writing into a black hole.  My voice echoes momentarily and then fades into nothingness.  My blog is as much a conversation with myself as it is a conversation with you as my reader. When I have something to write about…

View Post

“She’s hysterical”.  “She’s sobbing hysterically”.  “She’s gone a bit hysterical.” We sometimes describe men as hysterical too, but the etymology of the word is distinctly female.  In Latin hystericus means “of the womb”.  In Greek hysterikos means “of the womb, suffering in the womb”.  Childbirth and motherhood brought a wave, a veritable tsunami of emotions and hormones.  It shocked me.  I felt things I had never felt before.  All of my feelings, all of my senses felt more intense, more…

View Post

Dating has changed since I landed on the dating scene a couple of decades ago (eek).  I am now learning how to date like a millennial.   In my late teens I was wide eyed, excited and optimistic.  Gaggles of girls met packs of boys at discos, birthday parties, in pubs whilst pretending we were old enough to drink (I had some very dubious looking fake I.D.) The university dating scene wasn’t that much different.  We met in pubs, at…

View Post

I quite like the idea of having a theme, or one word, which sums up my New Year’s resolutions.  My word for 2016 was ‘consolidation’.   After what was, for me, a pretty shitty 2015 full of apocalyptic life changes, I wanted a year of no change.  I wanted a year of consolidation. My resolutions were all about consolidating my new beginnings from 2015 and settling into my and Cygnet’s new life.  All in all, 2016 was a pretty good…

View Post

January 1st always used to bring a great deal of pressure with it.  On the day when my resolutions to eat healthily, to drink less, to be more productive and to be more sensible with my money were supposed to start, I invariably had a stinking hangover which could only be cured by a full english breakfast and paracetamol rinsed down with a vodka, lime and soda.  At around 3pm, when I finally emerged permanently from under my duvet, I…

View Post

We all had a plan, possibly quite a vague plan, but a plan nonetheless.   I had planned to have a nice house, a stable job, a happy relationship, a marriage, two healthy and happy children.   Then real life happened. I have many of those things.  I have a nice flat.  I have a stable job.  I have a happy relationship (with myself, but lets not underestimate the importance of being happy in our own company).  I have a healthy…

View Post

I haven’t written about co-parenting recently.  I’d like to be able to report that all is going swimmingly, that we are working well together and that we are doing what is best for our child.  That’s the goal obviously, but then this is real life, and as we all know, real life doesn’t like to follow a smooth path. Real life seems to object to a plan. It’s been nearly two years since we separated and we have been living…

View Post

I’m feeling contemplative, reflective, pensive, and maybe just a tiny bit morose.  Carole King’s masterpiece, So Far Away, is playing. It is one of my favourite songs.  I am on my second glass of a heavy red wine. “You’re so far away.  Doesn’t anybody stay in one place any more ? It would be so fine to see your face at my door.”  The lyrics make me remember the good times. For me, So Far Away is not just about…

View Post

This was supposed to be an optimistic post. I was going to try to reassure you that all will be okay even though Donald Trump has just been voted into the White House in the United States presidential elections.  I have been trying to reassure myself.  I woke at 5:40am GMT on Wednesday 9 November.  Trump’s victory was certain, if not secured, and I felt sick.  I felt sick to the pit of my stomach.  I still do. Since then,…

View Post

Cygnet:  “Mama wee wee red” Me: no reply Cygnet: “What’s that?”    Me: pause Cygnet:  “What’s that Mama?” Me: Sigh, “It’s Mama’s” Cygnet: “What is it? “ Me: Sigh, “It’s a tampon sweetheart, it’s Mama’s” Cygnet: “tampon” Cygnet: “Mama did a noisy bottom” Me: “Thank you sweetheart” Cygnet:  “Mama done a poo” Me: “No, Mama’s not done a poo, Mama’s done a wee wee”. Me:  “ Cygnet put the toilet brush down”   “Put the toilet brush down” “LEAVE IT”…

View Post