Can data find my future husband?

I have been thinking a lot about data and algorithms recently.  After a disastrous date a couple of weeks ago I have been thinking that I might need to change my approach to the whole dating problem.  I have been wondering: Can data find my future husband?  What kind of algorithm would I need?

I turned to Google, the oracle, the harborer of all knowledge, intelligence and a whole heap of useless and distracting information and false facts and I typed:

Can data find my future husband?

I am going to include the link to the top hit, because it made me laugh out loud.  Do it and tell me in the comments what this quiz tells you your future husband will be like.

This Simple Quiz Will Reveal Everything You Need To Know About Your Future Husband

According to this quiz, my future husband is:

A 6’4” doctor!

“Your future husband is a 6’4” doctor. He’s bald, with grey eyes and a small beard. As is the nature of his work, your future husband is selfless and will often put you and your needs before his own. But don’t think he’ll be a pushover, because he’s far from it. He’ll always stand his ground and stand up for what’s right, which also makes him very passionate. In the bedroom, you’ll find he’s a whopper at 9 inches long. His favourite position is doggy, and he’ll always hit the spot to give you a knee-buckling orgasm every time.”

I love the sound of my future husband.  If only the dating apps could find him for me. 

Dating sites are predicated on some very basic algorithms and maths.  They seek to match people depending on a variety of preferences, often very simple and binary data points entered by the person seeking a date.   

I enter my age preferences: under 40 because I don’t want to risk any data app matching me with my ex.  Under 40 should rule him out, provided he is honest. 

I enter the distance from my flat that I would like my future date to live in. 

I get bored of entering the other criteria, so I upload a few photos and Bob’s your Uncle. 

I am ready to go. 

My dating apps give me this…

can data find my future husband?

Back to the drawing board.  So, I decided to write a list of all of the things that are important to me in a future partner.  My future partner must have:

  • Integrity  he must have a strong and consistent set of moral principles and he must have the courage to live by them.
  • Honesty  – for me this is more than just not lying, honesty means being open and not avoiding a difficult conversation or telling someone the truth.
  • Atheism – I am staunchly secular
  • A healthy attitude towards money  he has to be cautious with money, but not tight.
  • Intelligent
  • Witty
  • Well read
  • Open minded
  • Curious
  • Intuitive
  • Empathetic
  • Flexible and tolerant.

I basically want an algorithm that will help me to get the elation, the giddiness, the euphoria, the energy, the possessiveness, the obsession, the supernatural feeling of falling in love. 

I can see that if I am going to rely on data to find my future husband, I am going to need Alan Turing (the guy who cracked the enigma code) to solve this problem. 

I researched further and started reading about Helen Fisher.  Helen Fisher is a neuroscientist and the Chief Scientific Advisor at match.com.  Can I just say, that in my next life, I would like to be the Chief Scientific Advisor for match.com.  What an awesome job!  She also has a website (The Anatomy of Love) and has written a few books.

Helen Fisher’s research suggests that we all, to different degrees, express four different styles of thinking and behaving, each associated with one of four basic brain systems: the dopamine, serotonin, testosterone and estrogen systems.  I am probably not qualified to go into detail here, but suffice to say, Helen also has a personality test on her website which is designed to help you to understand what kind of personalities you are attracted to and therefore to find love.

Yes, you guessed it, I did Helen Fisher’s personality test too.  These were my results:

Your Primary personality type is Director.

DIRECTORS shoot for the stars. These men (and women) express traits linked with the testosterone system in the brain. They tend to excel at analytical and strategic thinking. They are also direct, decisive, exacting and tough minded. Directors are good at what scientists call “rule-based systems,” aptitudes such as higher math, mechanics, computers, engineering and/or music. And they are often competitive, as well as skeptical and emotionally contained. Directors approach dating and relationships the same way they approach their other interests, by rationally analysing their hopes, needs and intentions. Foremost they seek a partner who shares their goals, as well as someone who is eager to exchange ideas, build theories and talk about science, philosophy, history or whatever interests them. To balance out their forthright style and tendency to make decisions quickly, Directors tend to gravitate to partners who weigh alternatives, listen actively, handle conflicts deftly and have other well-honed social skills. Because they analyse their own emotions, as well as hide them, Directors tend to seek mates who are emotionally expressive. Because they have difficulty dealing with “controlling” people, they tend to be attracted to those who are flexible, even indecisive. Thus they often gravitate to Negotiators who have the empathy and emotional complexity to handle their forceful personalities.

This describes me perfectly! I think Helen Fisher might be onto something.  I think I need to get on to match.com.  The problem is that I know that my ex is on match.com again after another break-up and I really really really don’t want to risk being matched with my ex. 

P.S.  I had an idea for a dating website of my own.  Have you read about matchmyex.com ?

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70 Comments

    • thesingleswan
      February 2, 2018 / 10:24 pm

      haha, brilliant! Glad you both enjoyed it. Pen x

    • thesingleswan
      February 2, 2018 / 10:23 pm

      Brilliant! I will have a listen too. Sounds good. Pen

  1. February 3, 2018 / 8:34 am

    Can I have the doctor when your finished with him please?? Haha sounds amazing. 😊
    #thesatsesh

    • thesingleswan
      February 4, 2018 / 9:45 pm

      No Sophie, I’m afraid I’m never letting him go. Pen x

    • thesingleswan
      February 4, 2018 / 9:44 pm

      Thanks Emily. Pen

    • thesingleswan
      February 4, 2018 / 9:44 pm

      haha, let me know how you get on Nige. Pen

  2. February 3, 2018 / 11:37 pm

    I’m quite fascinated with all this. Aziz Ansari wrote a book about it. Basically on paper someone can be perfect for you but in reality no, and vice versa. The brain is still the best ‘algorithm’ when it comes to relationships….but you have to meet them in the first place somewhere, so why not shop around online? #KALCOLS

    • thesingleswan
      February 4, 2018 / 9:43 pm

      I agree Lydia, the brain is still the best algorithm. Pen x

  3. February 4, 2018 / 6:10 am

    Oh my goodness a doctor and nine inches. If only it was so simple to meet the right guy, I had many not so great, some ok and one in particular complete ********** who deserves to be locked away, but finally found a great one that I am sticking with! I think for me it was about finally believing I truly was ready for a good guy and deserved him, and realising I was a great catch myself (even if I am a weirdo). #thesatsesh

    • thesingleswan
      February 4, 2018 / 9:43 pm

      Mac, thanks for your comment. We are all weirdos in our own beautifully unique ways. Pen x

        • thesingleswan
          February 8, 2018 / 9:50 pm

          THanks Mac, that’s a lovely comment to read. Also, you are definitely not the only weirdo. I am a weirdo too. Pen x

  4. February 4, 2018 / 8:45 am

    Great post! I actually met my husband online although it wasn’t on a dating app and whilst he might not be a 6’4 doctor with a 9″ whopper, he certainly ticks all my boxes! #KCACOLS

    • thesingleswan
      February 4, 2018 / 9:41 pm

      Brilliant. My efforts might not be in vain then. Thanks for commenting. Pen x

  5. February 4, 2018 / 9:31 pm

    Modern dating fascinates me so I love your posts! I suppose they can tell you who you should date but are they real and how do you find him?! #KCACOLS

    • thesingleswan
      February 4, 2018 / 9:39 pm

      Thanks Becky. I am glad you enjoy my dating posts. It almost makes up for the terrible dates. Pen x

  6. February 5, 2018 / 8:54 am

    This is such a gun post..ROFL..I am in love with your future husband..once you find him do let us know..Good luck

    • thesingleswan
      February 5, 2018 / 9:10 pm

      Thank you. Pen x

    • thesingleswan
      February 5, 2018 / 9:09 pm

      Ah, that’s lovely. Pen x

  7. February 5, 2018 / 11:41 am

    I read somewhere that more people meet their future partner online now than anywhere else. I find the whole thing scary. Your post made me laugh, but only because I don’t have to go through it! #RVHT
    Emma recently posted…Raspberry Cheesecake Mousse RecipeMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      February 5, 2018 / 9:09 pm

      THanks Emma, Feel free to date vicariously through my blog! Pen x

  8. February 5, 2018 / 3:06 pm

    This is really interesting. I think AI can only do so much in finding suitable dates. Chemistry is something that can only be felt, and there are so many ‘odd couples’ out there that surely a computer could not have matched. But I did find the show Married At First Sight really interesting, when the dating experts explain about matching personalities and physical attraction. Good luck avoiding your ex. #RVHT

    • thesingleswan
      February 5, 2018 / 9:07 pm

      haha, thank you. I will do my utmost to avoid my ex. I promise. Pen x

  9. February 5, 2018 / 5:56 pm

    It is an interesting idea, in theory yes it could work but life is not so black and white and sadly when emotions etc get involved it gets real messy X #anythinggoes

    • thesingleswan
      February 5, 2018 / 9:06 pm

      Yes, life does get messy, when humans get in the way… Pen x

  10. February 5, 2018 / 6:29 pm

    Unfortunately I have no experience of this but it was a good read – I met my wife before electricity was invented (it feels like… but don’t tell her I said that). It would be interesting to see how websites develop in the future, especially with virtual reality and AI #mondaystumble

    • thesingleswan
      February 5, 2018 / 9:06 pm

      Brilliant. I would have loved to have met a partner before electricity was invented. It would have saved me sooo much time. Pen x

  11. February 7, 2018 / 10:13 am

    I’m not sure I’d make it in this new world of dating, with codes, algorithms, and SEO. Oy vey. Maybe, just maybe, he will come to you the old-fashioned way, serendipitously and surprisingly. Until then, love you… it’s the best way for the outcome you wish! <3 #mg
    Lisa Pomerantz recently posted…The chaos of the smile theory: An UpdateMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      February 8, 2018 / 9:47 pm

      Thank you Lisa. Pen x

  12. February 7, 2018 / 3:54 pm

    I took both quizzes and I definitely agree that the second one was me to a T! I got negotiator. I’m going to save that to my computer for future reference. I am not sure about using data though to find a mate. I am more of a “if it happens, it happens” kind of person. Of course I also believe that if you really want to find someone you have to be willing to put yourself out there. This person isn’t going to just fall in you lap obviously but I believe in serendipity, not data. Though the second quiz has me now thinking the data doesn’t hurt, lol. #anythinggoes
    Michelle recently posted…Book Review #5: The HistorianMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      February 8, 2018 / 9:46 pm

      Thanks Michelle. I am glad you enjoyed the quiz selection. Pen x

    • thesingleswan
      February 8, 2018 / 9:45 pm

      Sorry! Pen x

  13. February 7, 2018 / 9:22 pm

    Is there a way to find your ex on match.com and block him. Those sort of sites usually have blocking features. #kcacols
    Bread recently posted…Poem: Sixty A DayMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      February 8, 2018 / 9:44 pm

      Yes, I am going to look into it. Pen x

    • thesingleswan
      February 8, 2018 / 9:44 pm

      It must be doable. A couple of comments have suggested it. I am going to look into it. Pen x

  14. February 8, 2018 / 9:18 am

    Am I allowed to swap my husband for the doctor please #coolmumclub

    • thesingleswan
      February 8, 2018 / 9:43 pm

      I would say yes, but I am not sure that the doctor actually exists. I certainly haven’t found him. Pen x

  15. February 8, 2018 / 12:40 pm

    This is really interesting … I’m surprised that the dating agencies can’t block people’s ex-partners as I doubt either of them would be thrilled to be told they’re a match with someone things had ended with. As customer experiences go, that’s not a good one! Good luck with finding the Doctor!

    • thesingleswan
      February 8, 2018 / 9:42 pm

      You are right, I am sure dating sites must have the functionality to enable you to block your ex. I want to be able to block him first without one of us stumbling across the other though. Pen x

  16. February 8, 2018 / 12:56 pm

    I met my wife online after 10 years of internet dating! Internet dating has it challenges. I innocently went on a couple of dates with different ladies in the space of a week – as it happened they knew each other and my name came up in conversation – awkward!

    • thesingleswan
      February 8, 2018 / 9:41 pm

      haha, yes, really awkward. Small world ! Pen x

  17. February 8, 2018 / 12:58 pm

    Lol you future husband sounds amazeballs…..now where the heck are all these men in real life that’s the question? Could be awkward if you and your ex crossed paths on Match.com though…..eek! Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub lovely I love following your escapades xx

    • thesingleswan
      February 8, 2018 / 9:41 pm

      thank you. Pen x

  18. February 10, 2018 / 9:32 am

    If only eh. Is there anything you can do to block potential people on match? Maybe message their support and ask to not be matched with your ex? Just a thought. It sounds like it understands you well.

    #KCACOLS

    • thesingleswan
      February 10, 2018 / 9:14 pm

      Hi Cassie, Yes, there must be. A few people have suggested this – I am off to investigate. Pen x

  19. February 10, 2018 / 4:35 pm

    I didn’t used to believe in finding love online but several of my friends have proved me wrong so there has got to be something in these personality tests 🙂 Good luck and thank you for linking up with #KCACOLS we hope you join us again next time.

    • thesingleswan
      February 10, 2018 / 9:10 pm

      Thanks Kate. Pen x

  20. February 10, 2018 / 6:05 pm

    Why do you want to avoid being matched with your ex? Surely if you were you could just delete the match and move onto the next one? Or is it a case of you not wanting him to know you’re on there? Good luck avoiding him…especially if he’s one of the type of men you are likely to be matched to!

    #KCACOLS
    Nicola | Mummy to Dex recently posted…The Toddler Days: The Good And The Very, Very BadMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      February 10, 2018 / 9:09 pm

      Hi Nicola, I don’t really want him to know that I’m on there to be honest. I also don’t really want to swipe and see his face staring at me. Pen x

  21. February 11, 2018 / 7:55 am

    I did the quiz!

    You got: 5’10” businessman!
    Your future husband is a 5’10” businessman who travels a lot for work. This means that whenever you have the chance, you’ll get to visit a lot of exciting places that you’ve never even thought to visit before. He has long hair, with orangey-brown eyes, and a strong jawline. You’ll find him to be very charismatic and confident in himself, and he can usually be found leading the conversation in a group. He’s also an optimist, which means he brings a lot of positive vibes to your relationship. In the bedroom, he’s average size, but you’ll soon find out the true definition of “it’s not the size of the wave, it’s the motion of the ocean”.

    I’m a little affronted that I got a generic, average husband. This is a textbook husband! A husband that if someone you don’t know very well talks about having a husband, it’s always this guy!

    Also, my real husband doesn’t sound like this, do you think I should leave him and begin my search for my real soulmate??

    Have you considered joining match, not uploading a photo then searching out your ex? You could find him and block him then upload a ravishing photo and begin the quest for your enormous, bald doctor?

    Thank you for joining in with #RVHT, I’ve totally missed you!

    • thesingleswan
      February 11, 2018 / 9:42 pm

      Thank you Jenny and thanks also for taking the quiz. Your generic, average husband sounds really nice – don’t knock it. Pen x

    • thesingleswan
      February 11, 2018 / 9:40 pm

      I am not Katrina, in fact, I don’t think he exists. Thanks for your optimism though. Pen x

  22. February 13, 2018 / 5:25 pm

    A director and a doctor sounds great to me. I don’t know what the secret truly is. Computers, luck, stars aligned …hmmm…#coolmumclub
    Helena recently posted…B is for Bugs and ButterfliesMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      February 15, 2018 / 11:28 pm

      THanks Helena

  23. February 14, 2018 / 4:02 pm

    I got a businessman in that first quiz who travels a lot haha that would suit me, not under my feet all the time 😉 I will do the personality test to a bit later when I have time! I don’t understand dating apps to be honest, never done it having been with my hubby for ages. But I do wonder why people have to find partners this way nowadays…. I mean… how on earth did people find each other in the history of time before them? ha #kcacols
    Carolynne @ Mummy Endeavours recently posted…5 Reasons why Everyone Needs an Emergency FundMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      February 15, 2018 / 11:25 pm

      A businessman sounds okay. I don’t know how people met others before dating apps. Its a conundrum. Pen x

  24. February 14, 2018 / 4:27 pm

    Can I have your future husband lol? Or do I have to stick with the one i’ve got lol.
    #KCACOLS
    Ali Duke recently posted…My Empties January 2018My Profile

    • thesingleswan
      February 15, 2018 / 11:24 pm

      Um, I think maybe you can switch. Maybe don’t tell your husband that I said that otherwise he won’t let you read my blog any more. Pen x

  25. February 16, 2018 / 7:59 pm

    It’s so hard to find genuine people, especially when there’s children’s nd limited time so this sound like a great idea! #KCACOLS
    Amie recently posted…Teenage Pregnancy: The RealityMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      February 16, 2018 / 10:12 pm

      Thanks for commenting. Pen x

    • thesingleswan
      February 19, 2018 / 9:55 pm

      Hi Lisa. Lovely to see you. Pen x

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