What are your secret single behaviours?

I make no bones of the fact that sometimes I would quite like to have a boyfriend. Only sometimes though!  Secret single behaviours are those weird things that people do when they are alone, away from the prying eyes of the public and away from the ears of those who may condemn or criticise. My secret single behaviours include sitting on my own on the sofa eating dark Lindt chocolate and drinking wine in the evening.  I am not sure I’d be willing to sacrifice those pleasures for anyone and I am not sure that I really need anyone to share them. 

Sometimes, just sometimes, I’d quite like to snuggle up on the sofa with someone.  I’d also quite like to share the bills and for someone to listen to my rants as I moan about the weather, my commute, Donald Trump or even just the fact that I can’t seem to figure out the thermostat on my new boiler (it just shouldn’t be this complicated).

But it has been nearly three years now and I think I have forgotten how to be in a couple.  I have developed a few quirky behaviours that are really not appropriate for coupledom or a relationship. 

secret single behaviours

Yes, these are my secret single behaviours. 

I used to change my sheets weekly, but now you are lucky if I change them once a fortnight.  Without a man in my bed my sheets still smell fresh a week after I have changed them.  There are no beer farts, there is no snot, there is no sweat and there is less hair.  I sleep on one side of the bed and always have the option of moving to the other side for the second week.   

I have a bath with Cygnet, my three year old son, each evening.  I find that jumping in the bath with him is the most efficient way of a) washing his hair – always a battle – and b) getting myself ready for bed so that I can spend more time drinking wine once he has fallen asleep. 

Having a bath with Cygnet does mean that I am frequently in my pyjamas by 8pm.  This comes as a bit of a shock to the Tesco delivery driver when I answer the door in my black lacy pyjamas at 9pm. 

Some evenings, I dance around the living room (yes, wearing my pyjamas) singing along to 1980s tunes with a glass of wine in my hand.  You really can’t do that with a live-in boyfriend!

I can spend hours on social media, perusing (read online stalking) the twitter feeds of The Sunday Times Magazine columnist Josh Glancy and the travel programme presenter Simon Reeve (my secret crushes).  I have never met either of them but in my head I share lovely lives with both of them.  In your secret world relationships don’t have to be monogamous! 

I talk to myself.  No, I don’t just talk to myself, I talk to people who aren’t there.  I often have two sided conversations, it’s just that I play both sides.  I pretend I am being interviewed about my life.  I write my autobiography out loud. 

I wear my ancient ski socks.  They are baggy, bobbled and really unattractive, but then I have no one to be attractive for and they keep my feet warm. This is probably my least attractive secret single behaviour.   

I eat my food out of a microwave dish to save on the washing up.  I still do this even though I have just had a dishwasher fitted in my new kitchen. 

I listen to the same song on a loop for hours in a row.  My current ‘loop’ song is Cat Stevens’ Wild World.

I do yoga in my underwear.  Have you discovered Yoga with Adriene yet? 

I can chat with five men simultaneously on various dating apps and it is all fine because I have no intention of meeting any of them in real life. 

I can hang really quirky pictures on my wall, and my kitchen floor is also really unusual.  Friends come round and comment “your flat is very you”.  I don’t think they mean this entirely positively. 

I dread to think what any man would think of all of these embarrassing and coupledom-repelling secret single behaviours.  I am not sure that I could give them up…except maybe for Josh Glancy or for Simon Reeve. 

Josh and/or Simon, if the decade old ski socks are too much for you then just let me know.  I am sure we can find a compromise. 

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45 Comments

  1. November 6, 2017 / 1:53 am

    I agree that everyone has those behaviors from being single and might not be willing to give up. I love just lounging around in bed and watching Netflix without getting up and doing anything productive. Sometimes I’ll skip a shower because I know I’m not meeting up with anyone so I don’t have to worry about impressing anyone. This was fun to read. (:

    Single Vegas Girl
    http://singlevegasgirl.blogspot.com

    • thesingleswan
      November 10, 2017 / 9:44 pm

      I am glad you enjoyed the read. Thanks for commenting.

      Pen x

  2. November 6, 2017 / 9:24 am

    I’m not single, but every night after the Hubster goes to bed I have the house to myself. My favorite thing to do is make a snack and sit on the couch with reality TV. #AnythingGoes
    Heather Keet recently posted…Poll Tuesday week 34…My Profile

    • thesingleswan
      November 7, 2017 / 10:17 pm

      Haha, brilliant. Pen x

  3. November 6, 2017 / 9:39 am

    I used to try and fit in around my boyfriends and please them, I think it came from being in a abusive relationship when I was so young, I lost my own identity. But when I met my now hubby I decided F*** it I am going to be me and if he doesn’t like it well he is free to leave, clearly he liked it as he stayed and we are happy. I still veg on the couch and eat chocolate and dance around and sing weird songs, he just laughs at me. He thinks I am completely nuts, but he’s cool with it. Hopefully you will meet someone you can be yourself with too! Thanks for linking up #mg
    Mackenzie Glanville recently posted…Tips to help you avoid making excuses. #mg link upMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      November 7, 2017 / 10:18 pm

      That’s lovely Mac. Thanks for your comment. Pen x

  4. November 6, 2017 / 10:08 am

    I’m married, but I do like it when I have the house to myself and can indulge in my own company and write in my journal without worrying about someone reading over my shoulder! I’m a little envious of you.
    #anythinggoes
    Sadie | Be Your Own Example recently posted…getting kids to eat vegetablesMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      November 7, 2017 / 10:21 pm

      No need to be envious, but thank you for your comment! Pen x

  5. Hoon
    November 6, 2017 / 1:12 pm

    I have one! I drive my children to school in my dressing gown on my days off because who cares 🙂

    • thesingleswan
      November 7, 2017 / 10:19 pm

      That one is great. Pen x

  6. Hoon
    November 6, 2017 / 1:20 pm

    Just in case…..I don’t actually get out of the car 🙂

    • thesingleswan
      November 7, 2017 / 10:19 pm

      disappointing. I dare you to get out of the car. Pen x

  7. November 6, 2017 / 3:57 pm

    As long as you are happy be you! #anythinggoes

    • thesingleswan
      November 7, 2017 / 10:16 pm

      Thanks Tracy. Pen x

  8. November 6, 2017 / 3:58 pm

    Your list made me smile. I love having the house to myself but the only thing I do is bring my tea to the bed or binge watch episodes of Game of Thrones.
    Obsessivemom recently posted…Slowing downMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      November 7, 2017 / 10:11 pm

      haha, yes, I need to get a TV in my bedroom. Pen x

  9. November 6, 2017 / 9:18 pm

    I dance around the kitchen in my pjs while cleaning when no one is here. Days when I don’t have to go out pjs are my staple clothing lol.
    #FamilyFun
    Ali Duke recently posted…October Review & November GoalsMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      November 7, 2017 / 10:05 pm

      Wow, very efficient. You even do your cleaning. Pen x

    • thesingleswan
      November 7, 2017 / 10:04 pm

      Thanks. Pen x

  10. November 7, 2017 / 10:29 am

    Totally with you on the 80s music – and I turn it up way louder than my ex would ever have let me do! I also cook things that I know my kids would turn their noses up at – spicy food, or seafood in particular.

    I leave a plate on the side in the kitchen after using it. I like a clean kitchen, but no-one is telling me to do it or moaning that there are no clean plates, so I’ll do it later. Probably.

    I eat later. With my kids around it’s a strict nighttime routine so they can all get to bed on time – when they’re not, I deliberately cook later (even if I’m hungry at the “normal”time – it’s a matter of principle!).

    Love this post! It’s making me wonder what other habits and routines I’ve slipped into when the kids aren’t there without noticing!

    • thesingleswan
      November 7, 2017 / 9:51 pm

      Haha, brilliant. Being single can be very liberating, with or without the random dates and spontaneity. thanks for your comment Glen. Pen

    • thesingleswan
      November 7, 2017 / 10:25 pm

      Yes, there will be loads of them Glen. You acquire these behaviours without even realising it in my experience. Pen x

  11. November 7, 2017 / 1:26 pm

    I practically live in my pj’s lol. I completely understand what you mean. I’ve been single for 5 years now. I dated someone recently but when he came to my house for a visit all I wanted to do was get rid of him, HA! Yeah, I’ve definitely gotten used to being on my own and enjoying my own company. I have a lot of those same habits you mention that I just don’t think I’d feel comfortable sharing with a boyfriend. #FamilyFunLinky
    Michelle Kellogg recently posted…Dear Inner Child (Letter to Little Me)My Profile

    • thesingleswan
      November 7, 2017 / 9:33 pm

      Hi Michelle,

      I am glad that I am not the only one! Thanks for your comment. Pen x

    • thesingleswan
      November 8, 2017 / 10:24 pm

      Thanks Jeremy. i am glad i am not the only one! Pen x

  12. November 9, 2017 / 7:19 am

    Oh I could totally just live in my bed. I love going to bed at like 7 and watching ‘girlie ‘ telly. Re runs of gossip girl, SATC greys anatomy over and over one after the other. I’d eat all my meals there, work from their I’d basically live out of my bed, well when the children are in theirs ofncourse. Not sure it would go down so well with the OH though. Thanks for joining us at #familyfun

    • thesingleswan
      November 10, 2017 / 9:41 pm

      Haha, brilliant. yes, Pyjamas and Gossip girl re-runs sound perfect. I might go and do this now. Pen x

  13. November 10, 2017 / 7:58 pm

    What you describe sounds brilliant! It is hard without all of the ‘us’ words. I suppose you and Cygnet have beautifully acclimated! You crack me up. BTW, I am coupled, very happily with my Mrs., and the pj’s go on as soon as I get home from work. Especially now that it is dark and gloomy! Enjoy, and serendipitously, something or someone may happen, and find these behaviors very favorable! <3 #mg

    • thesingleswan
      November 10, 2017 / 9:27 pm

      Maybe you’re right Lisa. Maybe you are right. Pen x

  14. November 11, 2017 / 10:09 pm

    I loved being single! People were always surprised to learn that I cooked a Sunday roast every week “just” for myself. I liked to remind them that I was absolutely worth making the effort for! Keep enjoying life, your way. #KCACOLS
    Rachel George recently posted…“Pushed out” of school.My Profile

    • thesingleswan
      November 12, 2017 / 9:40 pm

      That’s brilliant Rachel. We have a roast every weekend too. Cygnet is my excuse though. Pen x

  15. November 12, 2017 / 10:13 am

    I am definitely harbouring some single secret behaviour. Havong been single for 6 years there are a lot of things I do that just wouldn’t work well in a partnership or for anyone else other than my daughter. Being in my pjs by 8pm and eating out of microwave containers is definitely up there for me too #kcacols

    • thesingleswan
      November 12, 2017 / 9:37 pm

      Thanks Tracey. I am glad I am not the only one. Pen x

  16. November 12, 2017 / 10:38 am

    I’m sure the guys you mention have quirks too. #FamilyFunLinky

      • thesingleswan
        November 12, 2017 / 9:36 pm

        Thanks Helena

    • thesingleswan
      November 12, 2017 / 9:37 pm

      I hope so Helena. Pen x

  17. November 15, 2017 / 6:10 pm

    It’s so good to have all these quirks, it means you are totally normal! Living alone is great, living with someone is great too. I quite enjoy having to hide some of my more ‘hard to understand’ single quirks. I don’t know if my other half would really get them all 🙂
    Thanks for linking up to #KCACOLS hope you come back next time.
    Mainy x
    mainy recently posted…Bumper Giveaways Christmas Gift Guide – Part 3My Profile

    • thesingleswan
      November 15, 2017 / 9:01 pm

      Thanks Mainy, i’d like to hear a bit about your ‘hard to understand’ single quirks and how you hide them. Pen x

  18. November 15, 2017 / 7:59 pm

    I adore your honesty! I too once upon a time had secret single behavior which involved meals in my recliner consisting of saltines, squeeze cheese and a can of beer. I stopped once I realized that I had adopted secret single DUDE behavior. 😉

    Enjoy one of the great benefits of singlehood!!!
    #kcacols

    • thesingleswan
      November 15, 2017 / 9:00 pm

      haha, yes that’s it, I am definitely adopting single DUDE behaviour and I quite like it! Pen x

  19. November 20, 2017 / 5:55 pm

    If it helps I’ve been married five years and am also in pyjamas by 8. To be honest by 7. My wife graciously waits until I get home from work before putting hers on. #kcacols

    • thesingleswan
      November 20, 2017 / 10:37 pm

      haha, brilliant. I might just move in with you. Pen x

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