Tips to look after your husband

I have a confession to make –  I probably could have avoided separating from my ex.  There you go, I’ve said it.  There was more I could have done, there was more effort I could have made to keep our relationship ticking over and our marriage together.  Here are some tips to look after your husband.

I don’t regret separation for a second.  My ex has a wonderful way of validating my decision to leave him every single time we meet, which is a few times a week because we co-parent our three year old son. 

Our morals and values were very different, our vision for the future incompatible and our parenting aims were poles apart – they still are.  But had I been a little more compliant and a little more accommodating.  Had I accepted that his view was obviously the right one then we would have been married by now. Unhappily married.

tips to look after your husband

My in-laws were a very traditional family. His father was the bread-winner, and very successful, supporting his wife and earning enough to send their four children to private school. His mother had never done a day of paid work in her life, but obviously worked damn hard to look after a house, four children, and to be the perfect wife. 

These days, as a single parent, I do both of those roles.  I work full time and I also look after our home and my three year old son, Cygnet (with the help of my family and nursery and obviously a bit of his dad).  My paid work is the easy bit,  despite leading a team of over sixty people, with a very challenging task and some tricky customers, I often say that I go to work for a rest.

I stumbled across an extract from a 1950s Home Economics book on the Grandmother’s kitchen Facebook page.  I am confident that had I followed these rules, my ex and I would never have separated.  Let me highlight some gems.

tips to look after your husband

Tips to look after your husband

Have dinner ready

This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs.  Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed. 

Prepare yourself

Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives.  Touch up your make-up.  Be a little gay and interesting.  His day may need a lift.

Clear away the clutter

Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school books, toys and paper.  Run a dust cloth over the tables.  Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order.

Prepare the children

Take a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and faces and if necessary change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. 

Minimise all noise

At the time of his arrival, minimise all noise of washer, drier, dishwasher or vacuum.  Try to encourage the children to be quiet.  Be happy to see him and greet him with a smile.

Make him comfortable

Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom.  Speak in a low soft voice to allow him to unwind.

Listen to him

Always let him talk first!

Some don’ts

Don’t complain if he is late for dinner.  This is minor compared to what he might have gone through during the day.

Are these tips to look after your husband the key to a happy marriage? 

No,  I didn’t think so either.

Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday
JakiJellzBrilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com
Motherhood The Real Deal

52 Comments

  1. September 2, 2017 / 9:10 pm

    I love she like this lol. Saddens me to think women for years before us had to love like this. That said, it also saddens me that some women don’t appreciate what we now have by means of freedom and the lengths other women went to to ensure we got it.

    Fab post and you sound much happier. I am sorry your relationship didn’t work out but your life sound smuch more fulfilled than marrying a man without the same stance on life.

    Thanks for linking up to #KCACOLS and hope you come back next time.
    Cassie parish recently posted…Has becoming a mum made me lazy? My Profile

    • thesingleswan
      September 3, 2017 / 10:09 pm

      Thanks Cassie. Pen x

  2. September 2, 2017 / 9:30 pm

    This made me laugh!

    Thankfully, my husband is very aware that my day at home caring for and home educating a child with complex disabilities has been hard. If tea isn’t ready he doesn’t bat an eyelid. Eyelid batting would get him nowhere anyway! #KCACOLS
    Rachel George, Ordinary Hopes recently posted…Keeping Us Out.My Profile

    • thesingleswan
      September 3, 2017 / 10:08 pm

      Thanks Rachel. You definitely do have the more challenging job. Pen x

    • thesingleswan
      September 3, 2017 / 10:06 pm

      I don’t know. Drugs? Alcohol? An affair with the postman? I know I couldn’t do it. Pen x

  3. September 3, 2017 / 6:10 pm

    Good lord can you even imagine?! Not happening in this house that’s for sure 😀 #kcacols

    • thesingleswan
      September 3, 2017 / 10:05 pm

      haha, brilliant. Pen x

  4. September 4, 2017 / 11:13 am

    Oh reading this made me laugh! I am confused as to why some people are so back in the time.
    I never have food on for my partner for when he comes home, only once in a blue moon. Sometimes I even have dinner before he arrives home cause he’s late! Haha. I do the basic housework, more than him as he works and I work at home. But I will never ever be in the 1950’s haha!
    #KCACOLS

    • thesingleswan
      September 4, 2017 / 9:34 pm

      Thanks for your comment. Pen x

  5. September 4, 2017 / 1:23 pm

    I think I’ll be that husband please, now I just need the willing wife! Popping by from #KCACOLS

    • thesingleswan
      September 4, 2017 / 9:33 pm

      Yes, I would like a wife too if that’s what having a wife entails. Earning money is the easy bit. Pen x

  6. September 4, 2017 / 2:55 pm

    I saw this article too and had me laughing out loud. As if I’m going to do this stuff. It totally undermines the role of a SAHM. #anythinggoes
    Mummy2twindividuals recently posted…New Blog’s homeMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      September 4, 2017 / 9:32 pm

      As if you have time to do this stuff! Jeez. Pen x

  7. September 4, 2017 / 4:36 pm

    Agree with all the pointers made in this blog. I’ve recently got married so I’ll make my wife aware of what she needs to do to keep me sweet 😉

    • thesingleswan
      September 4, 2017 / 9:32 pm

      Excellent. Let me know how that conversation goes down 😉 Pen

  8. September 6, 2017 / 10:46 pm

    Gosh you are well rid, darling! x

  9. September 7, 2017 / 7:13 am

    Damn…. I would fail miserbly at keeping my husband happy if I were working to these rules. Luckily Mr A has a slightly different criteria for what he needs when he gets home from work (coffee, cuddle and a snog)
    #coolmumsclub
    Tracey Abrahams recently posted…Crochet Unicorn Hat – GiveawayMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      September 10, 2017 / 9:31 pm

      Coffee, cuddle and a snog – love it. And yes, much easier – and much more fun!

  10. September 7, 2017 / 8:22 am

    I remember seeing this and I was just like, no. It’s not acceptable in this day and age. I couldn’t have stayed with my ex because he had a lot of these expectations and because I was compliant enough. My partner is currently in bed, he now goes to college and works full time, and is brilliant with my daughter but I will still expect him to do his share of the household duties and there is no way I will be slaving away for his dinner at midnight when he’s home from work! #triumphanttales

    • thesingleswan
      September 10, 2017 / 9:30 pm

      good for you Kayleigh. Pen x

  11. September 7, 2017 / 9:59 am

    Good grief, can you imagine! As a sahm I’d love to go to work for a rest! #triumphanttales

    • thesingleswan
      September 10, 2017 / 9:30 pm

      I am sure you would Collette. SAHM is the most difficult job. Pen x

  12. September 7, 2017 / 1:09 pm

    Hehe! My husband has sent me these before as a joke. Or at least I hope it was a joke but I think he knows the world of pain he would be in if he was serious. Of course you are right, you could have tried harder and then you would get to live your life in a loveless unhappy marriage. That sounds like fun doesn’t it!? If you need me I will be taking one last trip through the main living area to make sure there is no evidence of the children we have made together for when my husband finishes work…. Or I may be hiding in the kitchen drinking some wine. Shhh X
    #coolmumclub

    • thesingleswan
      September 10, 2017 / 9:29 pm

      Yep, I would be in the kitchen drinking wine. I just need a husband who will share the bottle with me! Pen x

  13. September 7, 2017 / 4:08 pm

    Eeesh! I’m glad this isn’t what’s expected anymore! I often wonder how these women lived up to such standards – I would definitely be a huge failure! #brillblogposts
    Lucy At Home recently posted…The Local Knowledge Guide To North WalesMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      September 10, 2017 / 9:27 pm

      Yes, me too. Pen x

  14. September 7, 2017 / 7:25 pm

    Oh crap, looks like I’ll be single pretty soon too then! These old guides are hilarious and shocking in equal measures…how did women keep their frustration under wraps? I’ll never know…

    Thanks for sharing with #coolmumclub x

    • thesingleswan
      September 10, 2017 / 9:27 pm

      Haha, no, I am sure your husband is very happy. Pen x

  15. September 8, 2017 / 3:08 am

    always hard when people go into a situation with different expectations. Good for you for realizing that the situation was untenable. its funny how sometimes we look back at a situation and wonder how we ever thought that it was going to turn out differently #KCACOLS
    jeremy@thirstydaddy recently posted…Heroes That Look Like HerMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      September 10, 2017 / 9:27 pm

      Hi Jeremy, You’re right, hindsight does provide great clarity and wisdom. Pen x

    • thesingleswan
      September 10, 2017 / 9:26 pm

      hehe, yep, this is a guide for looking after the time machine husband. Pen x

    • thesingleswan
      September 10, 2017 / 9:25 pm

      Haha, no Madeline, I am sure your husband is very happy. Pen x

  16. September 9, 2017 / 2:39 pm

    When I grew up, my mom was that mom you described. It was awful to watch and nearly impossible to escape. Stand by your man was a mantra… My mother applied fresh lipstick and we appeared perfect when he arrived home. House looked like a model home – no humans lived there — I tried this to please them, and no joke, nearly died. Living for them was a bad choice. Having the strength to make change, great choice. Hard, at times nearly undoable. But I did it. I am glad you can see that your choices matter and are good ones. Cygnet will grow up with your value system and be a modern man of the times. Empathy should be known from all genders. xoxo #KCACOLS
    Lisa Pomerantz recently posted…Summer lovin’ had me a blast…My Profile

    • thesingleswan
      September 10, 2017 / 9:24 pm

      Thank you Lisa for your comment and for sharing a bit about your childhood. It is really nice to hear your perspective of what it was like to live in that kind of atmosphere. Pen x

  17. September 9, 2017 / 9:37 pm

    Hah! I was given a book with these old “housewife rules” what a lot of tosh! I would have been useless in the 1950s. (Pretty much am still useless now). #KCACOLS x

    • thesingleswan
      September 10, 2017 / 9:21 pm

      Yes, I would have been single in the 50s. Mind you, I am single now, but at least these days there is a bit more chance of finding an equal relationship. Pen x

  18. September 10, 2017 / 1:01 pm

    Asking children to be quiet when he arrives home? hahahaha! Never going to happen! I don’t do any of this and my husband and I are very happy. For me communication is key. We always make time to talk to each other properly, even if it is five minutes before we go to bed.
    #KCACOLS
    Ali Duke recently posted…Our Day At Monkey WorldMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      September 10, 2017 / 9:20 pm

      That’s nice Ali. Pen x

  19. September 10, 2017 / 9:03 pm

    I don’t think this helps anyone lol. I know I could do more for my wife, but we’re not unhappy just tired. #kcacols

    • thesingleswan
      September 10, 2017 / 9:19 pm

      I’d rather be happy but tired, than unhappy and rested. Pen x

  20. September 10, 2017 / 9:09 pm

    All Hubby needs is a full stomach, that and sport on tele if there is a match on. Honestly, he’ll go to the pub if it can’t be streamed or on sky and off to his mums or the local maccy D’s to get some grub if I don’t feed him! Its amazing how times have changed… sod reducing the noise and freshening up… If I’m at home all day, Im lucky if I get a shower!!
    Thank you for sharing this with us at #TriumphantTales. I hope to see you back on Tuesday

    • thesingleswan
      September 10, 2017 / 9:18 pm

      Thank you for your comment. I don’t know how these women do it! Pen x

  21. September 11, 2017 / 7:08 pm

    Oh, now I know why I am single haha! I am with you. If I had followed these rules I may have been unhappily co-habiting (we were never getting married). Isn’t it crazy to see how people thought and behaved not all that long ago really. #kcacols
    Tracey Bowden recently posted…My Top Tips for Dry & Sensitive SkinMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      September 11, 2017 / 9:12 pm

      haha, better off single if this were the existence that faced you. Pen x

  22. September 14, 2017 / 9:11 pm

    This is clearly where I am going wrong! Very funny and has cheered me right up 🙂 #KCACOLS

    • thesingleswan
      September 15, 2017 / 9:55 pm

      Glad you enjoyed it Kate. Pen x

    • thesingleswan
      September 16, 2017 / 8:41 pm

      Brilliant. You’re mum sounds quite a character. Pen x

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