I have a confession to make – I probably could have avoided separating from my ex. There you go, I’ve said it. There was more I could have done, there was more effort I could have made to keep our relationship ticking over and our marriage together. Here are some tips to look after your husband.
I don’t regret separation for a second. My ex has a wonderful way of validating my decision to leave him every single time we meet, which is a few times a week because we co-parent our three year old son.
Our morals and values were very different, our vision for the future incompatible and our parenting aims were poles apart – they still are. But had I been a little more compliant and a little more accommodating. Had I accepted that his view was obviously the right one then we would have been married by now. Unhappily married.
My in-laws were a very traditional family. His father was the bread-winner, and very successful, supporting his wife and earning enough to send their four children to private school. His mother had never done a day of paid work in her life, but obviously worked damn hard to look after a house, four children, and to be the perfect wife.
These days, as a single parent, I do both of those roles. I work full time and I also look after our home and my three year old son, Cygnet (with the help of my family and nursery and obviously a bit of his dad). My paid work is the easy bit, despite leading a team of over sixty people, with a very challenging task and some tricky customers, I often say that I go to work for a rest.
I stumbled across an extract from a 1950s Home Economics book on the Grandmother’s kitchen Facebook page. I am confident that had I followed these rules, my ex and I would never have separated. Let me highlight some gems.
Tips to look after your husband
Have dinner ready
This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.
Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up. Be a little gay and interesting. His day may need a lift.
Clear away the clutter
Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school books, toys and paper. Run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order.
Prepare the children
Take a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and faces and if necessary change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.
Minimise all noise
At the time of his arrival, minimise all noise of washer, drier, dishwasher or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see him and greet him with a smile.
Make him comfortable
Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Speak in a low soft voice to allow him to unwind.
Listen to him
Always let him talk first!
Don’t complain if he is late for dinner. This is minor compared to what he might have gone through during the day.