I ditched the dating apps and this is what happened

When I deleted all of my dating apps on 2nd January this year, it wasn’t a bad date that made me do it. Nor was it the dick pics (don’t panic, clicking on that link won’t show you a dick pic), or the fact that I had been ghosted…again.  It was the sheer overwhelming mundanity of it all.  I was spending hours swiping left on Tinder and Bumble.  I would end up going to bed really late having just wasted an hour swiping left.  An hour an evening?  Jeez, that’s seven hours a week.  I am a single mum who works full time.  Imagine what I can do with an extra seven hours a week!  I ditched the dating apps.  I deleted the lot of them. 

ditched the dating apps

I have been dabbling in dating for just over a year.  Some of my dates were straightforward hook-ups, some the more classic dinner-and-drinks set up. There were periods when months went past without a date.  There were times when I had a couple of dates a week.  I did once, quite shamefully see two different men in one evening.  The first date was disastrous, so, having downed my wine and made my excuses, I called a guy who I’d seen a couple of times already.

The thing about dates met through dating apps is that almost anyone can turn up.  I met with guys who looked cute in their photo but who looked nothing like their profile pic in real life.  I met guys who claimed to be 6ft when they were actually shorter than me and I met guys who had good chat and banter over WhatsApp but who were extraordinarily dull over a glass of wine.  I learned how to date like a millennial.   I got so into the idea that I could meet anyone that I did meet anyone and I dated endless people I had absolutely nothing in common with.

Good old fashioned dating, you know, the kind where you meet someone through a mutual friend or at work, affords you a valuable filter: potential dates are effectively screened by being in a similar friendship group to you.  You might get fewer dates the good old fashioned way, or in my case you might get none at all, but at least any dates you do get are likely to be of a higher quality.

The main reason why I ditched the dating apps on 2nd January this year was because I am very happy to be alone.  When I left my ex I left because I knew that I would be happier on my own, even if it meant being on my own for the rest of my life.   I am happier.  I am happier than I have been in a long time.

It struck me as somewhat ridiculous that I was wasting hours on Tinder swiping through an endless stream of strangers when I knew that I didn’t need to meet anyone to be happy. 

Since I ditched the dating apps on 2nd January this year I have been turning the light off to sleep that little bit earlier.  I have been reading that little bit more.  I have been listening to Podcasts rather than swiping through endless photos on my morning commute.  I have been reading more blogs.  I have been writing more blog posts.   I have just a little bit more time.    

I can’t promise you that I have ditched the dating apps for life –  they are quite addictive – but for the time being my phone and my mind are enjoying being free of the endless distraction. 

Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday
Accidental Hipster Mum

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30 Comments

    • thesingleswan
      March 6, 2017 / 9:06 pm

      Thanks! I will. Pen x

  1. March 6, 2017 / 10:32 am

    I met my partner through match.com after deciding I wasn’t happy alone any more. I also wanted a positive role model in my children’s lives. We now have a happy family including a 10 month old baby. I believe things happen for a reason and the timing has to be right. Once you can be happy by yourself you are ready to be happy with someone else Good luck! #RV&HT.

    • thesingleswan
      March 6, 2017 / 9:06 pm

      Thanks Laura and congratulations on meeting Mr Right. Pen x

  2. March 6, 2017 / 2:10 pm

    If you’re happy then why not delete them, good for you! I have never used a dating app. I was lucky enough to meet my husband when I did but I can see how it would be addictive. I have read a few of your posts in the past and I have always enjoyed them so yay for more blog posts!
    #RV&HT

    • thesingleswan
      March 6, 2017 / 9:05 pm

      Ah, that’s nice of you to say. thanks Pen x

  3. March 6, 2017 / 3:34 pm

    I found when I finally was happy being by myself, was the time I met someone who was worth meeting ( and is now my husband)
    #RV&HT

    • thesingleswan
      March 6, 2017 / 9:05 pm

      Ah, that’s nice. Thanks Faith. Pen x

  4. March 6, 2017 / 4:10 pm

    If you are happy then I would definitely go with having more time, working and being a mum is hard. Give yourself time to relax and enjoy something else x #RV&HT

    • thesingleswan
      March 6, 2017 / 9:04 pm

      Thanks Jenni. Pen x

  5. March 7, 2017 / 9:46 am

    Ha when you put it like that …7 hours is a lot hey. I have tried to put the laptop away or the phone down a little earlier too and have a little more time to myself whether it’s to read or just watch and telling without distraction. It’s a good move I think! #RT&HT
    Tammymum recently posted…Spain In February; Is It Worth it?My Profile

    • thesingleswan
      March 8, 2017 / 10:17 pm

      Thank for your comment. Pen x

  6. March 8, 2017 / 4:10 pm

    I really enjoyed reading this. I can imagine it is quite addictive swiping left all evening. I hope you get some more dates the old fashioned way soon.

    #KCACOLS

    • thesingleswan
      March 8, 2017 / 10:17 pm

      Brilliant! thanks Nicola. Pen x

  7. March 8, 2017 / 8:33 pm

    I cannot believe that they lie like that… as if you aren’t gonna notice they aren’t 6ft tall! hahaha God there are some oddballs out there. It’s such a shame that pubs are so pricey now and people don’t just pop out at half seven and have a nice drink with friends. That’s how I met my husband. These days everyone goes out around 9pm and get wasted prior to that. Dating must be so hard but sometimes they are right under your nose and you haven’t even noticed… my hubby was actually in the year below me at school and I didn’t know him there. #RVHT

    • thesingleswan
      March 8, 2017 / 10:15 pm

      Hi Emma,

      Thanks for your comment. You are right, it is tricky to meet people these days. It is probably trickier in London because there is less of a small community that you get in some places. Pen x

  8. March 9, 2017 / 2:35 pm

    Great idea! We need to stop, as people, defining single people differently to people who are in a relationship. You are just as awesome out of a relationship as in one! Focus on you. #RV&HT
    Cee Arr recently posted…Comics Wrap-Up – Logan’s RunMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      March 9, 2017 / 10:14 pm

      thanks love! Pen x

  9. March 11, 2017 / 10:40 am

    Oh God! 7 hours a week, it really adds up doesn’t it? I’m so old, I’d never even heard of Bumble! I think there’s something to be said for the old fashioned way. Before I got my with my fiance, I had a browse on Plenty of Fish. I didn’t even meet anyone and it was still a weird experience. Tracksuited men would contact me to ask if I was ‘dirty’ and one man seemed normal then went mental at me because I wouldn’t text him a photo of my face right now to show I was who I said I was and thought I was a catfish! Urgh!

    #RVHT
    Jenny (Accidental Hipster Mum) recently posted…How to Make Your Own Oat MilkMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      March 11, 2017 / 11:09 pm

      Yep, there are some weirdos on dating apps. Pen x

  10. March 11, 2017 / 8:06 pm

    This is a nice post. I think it’s exhausting all that process. I hope you bump into someone spectacular, literally. (or not, as you say, as soon as you are happy on your own, you’re winning) #KCACOLS
    Lydia C. Lee recently posted…Memory – a writing challengeMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      March 11, 2017 / 11:09 pm

      Thank you Lydia. Pen x

  11. March 11, 2017 / 10:16 pm

    7 hours a week, blimey! Sounds like you’ve got much better things to do with that time! I think online dating, and dating apps can be brilliant, several of my friends have met their partners that way, but I can see how easy it would be to spend hour after hour on them. It’s s matter of balance I suppose isn’t it, like most things! x #KCACOLS
    Madeline (this Glorious Life) recently posted…3 reasons you should print and display your photos at homeMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      March 11, 2017 / 11:08 pm

      Hi Madeline,

      Scary that you can waste so much time on a dating app isn’t it! Thanks for your comment. Pen x

    • thesingleswan
      March 18, 2017 / 9:11 pm

      It is indeed. Pen x

  12. June 17, 2017 / 7:19 am

    Nice thoughts, Dating apps are I guess addictive. You get a chance to reach to many people but as you said lot of these profiles could be different than real thing. I am happy for you.

    Aalia

    • thesingleswan
      June 18, 2017 / 9:49 pm

      Thanks Aalia, Pen x

    • thesingleswan
      October 26, 2017 / 8:42 pm

      Thanks Vicky. That’s very sweet of you. Pen x

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