Two thoughts enter my head every time I see my ex which, unfortunately, because we are in a ‘co-parenting relationship’ is at least twice a week. These are:
Thank God I am not married to this man.
In 6 years that we were together, yes, you read that correctly, we were together for 6 years, how on earth did I not see what an a******e he really is?
Now that I am back on the dating scene again I am really worried that I won’t be able to spot the clues that will tell me that my future date, my future boyfriend, my future partner, or god forbid, my future fiancé or husband, is in fact controlling and self-obsessed like my ex. I can’t risk entering another controlling relationship with a Prince Charming type. I need to be able to find out what someone is really like.
These, my friends, are some clues, and I for one, will be looking out for these clues as I continue my single mum on the dating scene adventures.
These are ways to find out what someone is really like:
Observe how they treat waitresses
First dates are quite often in restaurants or bars. Observe how your date treats the bar or waiting staff. Does he dismiss them and look down on them, or is he polite and respectful ? We are all people and just because we are paying doesn’t make us more important, more intelligent or superior.
Observe how they treat those who can do nothing for them
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (a 19th century German poet, novelist, playwright, natural philosopher, civil servant and all-round super impressive bloke) is said to have written:
“You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.”
These words are so true, if your date doesn’t give others the time of day, and focusses his efforts on those who will reward him then steer clear. Run a mile.
Observe how they treat their mother
Read my blog post on why you should marry a man who loves his mother. Ultimately a man will treat you the way he treats his mother. She deserves love and respect, but your date should be able to stand up to his mother.
Observe how they cope with a set-back
This is a tough one because we all struggle with set-backs. Whilst it is true that out of our greatest challenges come our greatest achievements, we can only see this with hindsight. Stay clear of a man who blames others for his set-backs. Steer clear of someone who makes his own light shine brighter by extinguishing the light of others.
Break up with them
Sometimes, I’m afraid to say, that the only way to find out what someone is really like is to break up with them. Your date may be a charmer and a master of façade. You want the relationship to work, you want it to work so much that you are blind to the clues. When the relationship ends your ex turns out to be a vile individual lacking in morals, integrity, compassion, empathy or a sense of fairness.
Sometimes, we only find out what someone is really like when a relationship ends.
If only we could break up with someone before we start dating them…