On being who you are meant to be

Diane Von Furstenberg, as well as having a beautiful, but unaffordable, clothing range, has some very wise words.

Diane said:

“The most important relationship in your life is the one you have with yourself. Because no matter what happens, you will always be with yourself.”

—Diane von Furstenberg

being who you are meant to be

These words really resonate with me.  For a while, in fact for quite a long while, I didn’t really have a good relationship with myself.  I didn’t have a bad relationship with myself either.  I just didn’t really have any feelings either way.  I was ambivalent. 

This doesn’t sound like much of a problem.  But for me, it was. 

Having no feelings about myself: no real pride when I had succeeded; no real anger when I had behaved badly; no real disappointment when I had failed, didn’t really feel like living. 

It took me a while to figure out why. 

It was because I wasn’t living the life that I was meant to lead.  I wasn’t becoming the person I am meant to be.  I wasn’t living by my values, I wasn’t pursuing what I enjoy, I wasn’t connecting with myself.  I just wasn’t really being myself.

This all sounds a bit wanky and abstract and for that I apologise.

I was living someone else’s image of life, someone else vision, someone else’s frustrations and someone else’s story and, as a result, it didn’t feel real for me. 

I don’t for a second think that I am now who I am meant to be and that things will never change.  All is not said and done.  Life is not over. 

Going back to Diane’s quote, I am at least having a relationship with myself now.  I am no longer having a relationship with an image of myself.  I am no longer having a relationship with someone else’s image of myself. 

But, I also recognise that my ‘self’ has to evolve and will evolve and that evolution is the exciting part of living. 

Who I am meant to be is not a destination, but rather the journey of becoming. 

The quality of my relationship with myself will let me know whether I am on the right journey.

Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com

Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday


    • thesingleswan
      June 4, 2016 / 10:15 pm

      Thanks Vicki. Loads of love. Pen x

  1. June 3, 2016 / 7:36 am

    The most important meet cute of our lives is with ourself, and it is a meeting that will be repeated a thousand times in a thousand ways.
    We’re not meant to find ourselves, in my opinion, because if we did, then the odyssey would end. Instead, it’s a constant journey, one that’s meant to last our whole lives. We need to grow, change, evolve, expand. And each time we do, we find a new, improved version of ourselves. And it’s glorious.
    Great post, Pen. You nail it every time.
    Bekah Rigby recently posted…The #1 Reason I Need A Kid Is…My Profile

    • thesingleswan
      June 4, 2016 / 10:14 pm

      Thanks Bekah. Lovely to see you here again. Pen x

    • thesingleswan
      June 5, 2016 / 1:06 pm

      Thank you Julie. Pen x

  2. June 5, 2016 / 9:47 am

    I am so glad that you are now on a journey to discovering yourself again. It is so easy when we have been in a destructive relationship to lose all sense of ourselves and remember who we are again. It takes time but I love what you say about it not being a destination but a journey. It really is a journey and an exciting one too! I think for me starting a blog was my way of finding myeslf again 🙂 Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday
    Emma recently posted…Green People Sun Lotion ReviewMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      June 5, 2016 / 1:04 pm

      Thank you Emma,

      I agree with you, starting a blog really helped me too. It helped me to connect with people in a similar situation to me. It also helped me to get a lot of the things that I needed to say off my chest at the time that felt right for me. thank you Pen x

  3. June 5, 2016 / 2:46 pm

    Wow I loved this! We are too often swayed into leading a life we think we should and viewing ourselves as someone we think we should be without delving deeper. This is very true for my teenage daughters too who are always looking outwards at who they should be – this line really resonates:
    ‘I was living someone else’s image of life, someone else vision, someone else’s frustrations and someone else’s story and, as a result, it didn’t feel real for me.’ brilliant! and one of you’re concluding lines ‘Who I am meant to be is not a destination, but rather the journey of becoming. ‘ I am definitely sharing this with my girls and I’ll certainly consider this line in my own journey! Thank you for sharing #KCACOLS

    • thesingleswan
      June 6, 2016 / 9:30 pm

      Thank you! It is not often I get quoted, even back at myself in comments. I am glad you enjoyed the post. Unfortunately, I am not sure how easy it is to learn these kinds of lessons from others. I think our journey has to be our own one. I think if someone had cited my words at me when I was a teenager I would have nodded sagely and gone and made my mistakes anyway. Our mistakes are part of our journey. All the best. Pen x

  4. June 5, 2016 / 3:56 pm

    I love that quote, and I know exactly how you feel. I don’t think I’m who I’m meant to be either – I’ve never had the self esteem to push past the ennui. Hoping therapy will help! #KCACOLS
    Sarah recently posted…Easy Peasy Pancake RecipeMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      June 6, 2016 / 9:24 pm

      Hi Sarah,

      Yes hopefully the therapy will help. I know a lot of people who have got a lot from it. Good luck. Pen x

  5. June 5, 2016 / 4:07 pm

    You’ve got it pretty much nailed with what you say. You always sound so good in looking at yourself and evaluating whats going on. Your relationship with yourself comes across as being better than you give yourself credit for. I love reading your posts x


    mainy – myrealfairy recently posted…The Dimpled Monster Has Struck!My Profile

    • thesingleswan
      June 6, 2016 / 9:24 pm

      Thank you Mainy, that is a really nice thing to say. I appreciate it. Pen x

  6. June 6, 2016 / 9:13 pm

    That’s a fabulous quote from DVF, and your explanation behind its meaning to you. I think you make a very point there about ambivalence and seeing an image of ourselfs rather than the real thing and wonder if perhaps many of us are in a similar boat, for my part it is something to think about, as I am not too sure yet! Lovely post my dear xx #tammymum
    Tammymum recently posted…Smart phone, (not so) smart idea?My Profile

    • thesingleswan
      June 6, 2016 / 9:23 pm

      Thank you! I am glad you enjoyed the post. Pen x

  7. June 9, 2016 / 8:33 pm

    Fabulous post, I think I am still figuring out who I am as opposed to what others want me to be #kcacols
    tracey bowden recently posted…Fiction: The LightMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      June 11, 2016 / 9:05 pm

      Good luck! It can be a rough journey. Pen x

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