The truth about being a bad mother

bad mother

I am a bad mother.

I’m feeling rubbish about myself today.  Cygnet was snotty this morning.  In fact he was more than a bit snotty, green bogies were flying everywhere, his eyes were gunky and tired, he was under the weather, he was feeling sorry for himself and he needed a day at home sitting on the sofa reading books and watching Thomas the Tank Engine on the iPad (we watch the old style one where Ringo Star does the voice over).  But I took him to nursery.

I am a bad mother.

I dropped him at nursery this morning so that I could go to work.  I knew that he wasn’t well enough to go.  I knew that he would be really upset when I left him.  I knew that he would cry a lot.  I knew that the nursery staff would look at him and think that he should be at home.  I knew that other parents would see me dropping him off and resent me because Cygnet was about to infect their child with the snot monster.  I prioritised work over an ill child. My ill child who hardly sees me as it is because of my work and the fact that his time is  split between me and his dad.

I am a bad mother. 

I did it because I had a meeting with a guy at work about my career future and some job opportunities he has available. I did it because I had been trying to get some time in his diary for a month.  This is no excuse. 

I am still a bad mother. 

I am now leaving work an hour early, an hour that’s nothing, to collect him.  Part of me is dreading collecting him because I know that I will feel guilty again.  I know that he will punish me.  I know that he will ignore me for a while because I left him…again.  

I am a bad mother.  

Cygnet deserves better and I hate myself for being a bad mother.

Absolutely Prabulous
And then the fun began...

23 Comments

  1. April 12, 2016 / 9:27 pm

    This broke my heart. I’m so sorry you’re in this position. You are doing it for him though, I really hope that he was ok when you picked him up. In all honesty I don’t think I’ve ever dropped my son off at nursery and NOT seen at least one snotty child. Snot is part of the nursery look no? I really hope you’ve had a glass of wine, maybe a bit of a cry and that you’re feeling a lot better. Oh, and that the meeting today wasn’t in vain. #PassTheSauce
    Louise Pink Pear Bear recently posted…Big Pink Link Negen (9)My Profile

    • thesingleswan
      April 13, 2016 / 6:51 pm

      Hi Louise, thank you very much. Snot certainly is part of my son’s nursery look. Thanks for your support. Pen x

  2. April 12, 2016 / 9:28 pm

    No your not a bad mother, of course not!!! Sometimes these things have to happen. Try not to feel bad about it. I bed he still managed to have some snot filled fun with the other kiddies! x
    Ellamental Mama recently posted…5 Ways Blogging Saved My LifeMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      April 13, 2016 / 6:50 pm

      Yes, apparently he sprayed snot all over the room! Wonderful. thanks for your comment and I hope you are okay. Pen x

  3. alexkeno
    April 12, 2016 / 9:36 pm

    I’m sad that you’re feeling this way. You’re not a bad mum at all. You’re working hard to provide for you & your son & it sounds as though today was a particularly important day. Let go of the guilt! X

    • thesingleswan
      April 13, 2016 / 6:50 pm

      thank you. Pen x

  4. April 12, 2016 / 9:44 pm

    Oh no no no no no! You mustn’t do that. I know you have a more responsible, career-oriented job than I do but as a part time working mum I know what’s it like to have responsibilities torn two ways. Your job, and particularly this meeting which sounds like something that may have been quite significant to your career progression, is indirectly very important to Cygnet’s future as well – you provide for him – you are a breadwinner and he is going to get colds and sniffles on and off for years like all kids no doubt which are going to go in and out of pre-school, school etc. Sickness where they are properly vomiting or have a fever etc – that is when you sacrifice a day at work because they will need you then. It’s just another part of the parenting juggle. He will not remember this day and it might just be a day when something very important happened for you work-wise. X #thetruthabout
    Sam recently posted…The Truth about… #70My Profile

    • thesingleswan
      April 13, 2016 / 6:49 pm

      thank you Sam. That is really nice of you to say. I hope you are well and thank you, as always, for hosting #Thetruthabout

    • thesingleswan
      April 13, 2016 / 6:48 pm

      thank you. Pen x

  5. April 13, 2016 / 6:48 pm

    Pen, it’s so hard trying to keep everything together all of the time and doubly so when our children are ill. You are not the first person to leave an under the weather little one at nursery and you won’t be the last – you’re doing what you can to keep the plates spinning.

    Love and best wishes, Lou xx

    • thesingleswan
      April 15, 2016 / 9:29 pm

      Thank you Lou!

      Pen xx

  6. April 14, 2016 / 2:27 pm

    You are NOT a bad mother, and the fact that you felt like this proves that you’re not. I’ve been there, when I worked full time there were days when work had to come first, I had clients and I had to be there. It’s a crappy reality. But, it does not make you a bad mother xx #thetruthabout
    Sara | mumturnedmom recently posted…Bake: how to make a Princess CakeMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      April 15, 2016 / 9:22 pm

      Thank you very much. I really appreciate it. Pen x

  7. April 15, 2016 / 12:23 pm

    Oh, I feel so much for you. Please don’t beat yourself up. You are only doing the best you can. Sometimes we have to do what we have to do. I work full time and I know what you are going through. It will get better as he gets older because you will be able to explain and talk to him. It’s not easy trying to find a balance and you will. Thanks for sharing with #PasstheSauce.
    Agent Spitback recently posted…My Daughter Wants A Penis!My Profile

    • thesingleswan
      April 15, 2016 / 9:21 pm

      thank you. Pen xx

  8. April 16, 2016 / 10:58 pm

    Nope. You needed to attend that work meeting because what if there are better opportunities, a better salary for you in store? Won’t Cygnet benefit from that? No single mother ever had it easy. Don’t make it harder on yourself. I’m on even numbers duty and yours is an odd number on the #passthesauce linky but I saw your name and had to read x
    absolutely prabulous recently posted…I’m Helping Agent Spitback to Pass the Sauce!My Profile

    • thesingleswan
      April 17, 2016 / 8:24 pm

      Thank you! I am flattered that you read my post even though I was an odd number. Loads of love Pen xx

  9. April 17, 2016 / 9:32 am

    Oh my goodness, I really hear you!
    Been there so many times, it’s shit, totally shit.
    Beta Mummy recently posted…Liebster Award.My Profile

    • thesingleswan
      April 17, 2016 / 8:29 pm

      Thanks! xx Pen x

  10. April 17, 2016 / 7:08 pm

    You are not a bad mother! Unfortunately as a working Mum, we have to do these things. I know how you feel as I have had to do the same before. Take my boy in as I had been ill the previous week etc. I felt a bad too. Does my boy remember even going to nursery? No. A bad Mum doesn’t worry or question xx
    Louise Fairweather recently posted…My Fear For Little Man Starting SchoolMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      April 17, 2016 / 8:38 pm

      Thank you Louise. I really appreciate it. Pen x

  11. April 17, 2016 / 7:59 pm

    Oh hun, life is all about choices and we all make them everyday. Sometimes they go well and sometimes not so, but that doesn’t make you a bad mum, you did what you felt was right because you were looking to find a new job opportunity to make things better for your family, that doesn’t sound like bad mum behaviour (even if it felt a bit crap) #passthesauce
    Stephanie Robinson recently posted…My week this week: MelangeMy Profile

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