On being a broody single mother

What do you do if you are a broody single mother?

I keep seeing photos of newborn babies and I feel slightly broody.  I am a broody single mother.  Here’s a collection for you.  Do you feel it? Do you feel broody too?

A newborn baby

A newborn baby

Another newborn baby

Another newborn baby

and another one

and another one

and that's probably enough newborn babies for one post

and that’s probably enough newborn babies for one post

Had I stayed in my relationship we would probably have been working on making our second baby now.  But, I didn’t stay in a bad relationship and that is a good thing, but I can’t help myself from looking at newborn babies with a pang of longing.

I don’t know whether this longing is really something, or whether it is just me getting to terms with the fact that I will probably never have another baby.  I am in my mid 30’s.  I don’t go out much.  There are no boyfriends (or probably more accurately no man friends) on the scene.  I am just not ready for a relationship yet to be honest.  It is all too soon.  

I could do what some people do and have an IVF baby, or persuade a male friend to donate some sperm.  There are people who do this and I admire them.  But I can’t, not for a second child anyway.  I am just about coping with one baby (with a considerable amount of help from my family) but I could not, and my parents could not, cope with two. 

I won’t have another baby.  I will never be pregnant again.  I will never hold my newborn baby for the first time again.  When I finally stop breastfeeding, which will probably come quite soon, I will never breastfeed again (unless I have a major career change in the next few months and become a wet nurse –  highly unlikely!)   

I am kind of okay with this…when I am not melting over a newborn that I have seen in a coffee shop or in Waitrose that is.  I feel bad that my son is not going to have a sibling.  We can’t rule anything out, but chances are that Cygnet and Pen will live together, just the two of them, for quite some time, and chances are, that although Cygnet may meet new girlfriends of Daddy’s, he may not get a brother or sister.  I worry that he will miss out. 

So, I will just have to stay broody for a bit longer.  I will continue to gush at babies in the supermarket and I will continue to smile kindly and slightly jealously at mothers wearing or feeding newborns. 

I will just have to hope that my sister and her boyfriend decide to have a baby soon.  Then I can gush at my niece or nephew and that, my friends, will be totally cool!

Life with Baby Kicks

Ethan & Evelyn

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48 Comments

  1. October 16, 2015 / 8:44 pm

    This made me sad as I am in the same situation! I know I should be happy that I have the wonderful child I always wanted, but I so envy people in couples who can just try for another baby whenever they wish. I know it isn’t always as simple as that for them either, but I love being a mum. I know I couldn’t have another one on my own at the moment though, as it would be too difficult. Like you I rely heavily on my mum and I already feel as though I have ruined her carefree almost-retired second youth! On the (sort of) plus side, Piglet has over 20 siblings. There is literally a new one every week. They don’t live with him or share his mummy, but they are there. Hopefully this will be of some (albeit unusual) comfort to him.
    Min recently posted…Why we should never go to cafesMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      October 16, 2015 / 8:59 pm

      Hi Min,

      Sorry to make you sad. Sometimes I feel a bit sad, but then I look at Cignet and he makes me mega happy. Life isn’t a fairytale. It’s the challenges that make us. Now I sound like a self-help book. Sorry!

      It is pretty cool to have 20 siblings though. His teacher at school is never going to believe him. Society is changing and it might not be that unusual. Do you think he’d be able to meet up with any of his siblings?

      Take care and I hope to see you on here soon.

      Pen xx

      P.S. Just read your post about trying to breastfeeding in a sling at the station and being worried about school kids recording you and posting on YouTube. I was laughing out loud – which is something you can do when you live alone (and your son is in bed).

    • thesingleswan
      October 16, 2015 / 9:04 pm

      Hi Ellie,

      Yes, it can, but they are so gorgeous don’t you think?
      x #FabFridayPost

  2. October 16, 2015 / 10:57 pm

    Aw this made me feel quite sad. Your feelings are so real. All as you write could happen. Or something else could happen too, you never know! It is hard, but maybe if you think along the lines of – whatever’s supposed to happen will. I know some people hate that saying, but I really like it – it helps me overcome worries for the future. Best of the luck in the future, whatever that may be x
    LadyNicci recently posted…Nothing to hold. Nothing to grieve. Nothing.My Profile

    • thesingleswan
      October 17, 2015 / 10:08 pm

      Hi,

      You are right, whatever is supposed to happen will. Life has an extraordinary way of following a path that often we don’t choose. But hey, it wouldn’t be life if that weren’t the case right? Thanks for your comment. Nice to see you on here. x

  3. October 17, 2015 / 5:10 am

    I get broody over newborns, even with my baby being a mere 6 months old, my situation is different as my husband has categorically stated no more children as it’s too risky.

    Never say never in your case though, man friends pop up in unusual places! #effitfriday
    Laura @ Life with Baby Kicks recently posted…#effitfriday – 16th October 2015My Profile

    • thesingleswan
      October 17, 2015 / 10:06 pm

      Wow, broody over newborns when you have a six month old – that’s impressive. I am sorry it is too risky for you. Take care and thanks for your comment. x

  4. October 17, 2015 / 7:11 am

    I don’t know whether this comment is going to be irritating or not, and if it is, then feel free to mutter darkly at the screen, but unless you are one of those people who know exactly how many children they want, have them, and then don’t change your mind when you reach that number, I think there’s always a bit of wistful longing when you decide that’s probably your lot.

    I am not belittling your feelings though. Definitely time to start leaving the baby pics around near your sister.
    Mama Herself recently posted…Moscow Zoo / Московский ЗоопаркMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      October 17, 2015 / 10:04 pm

      Hi,

      No your comment isn’t irritating. It is good to hear that even people who have decided that they have had their lot feel a wistful longing. Maybe I am not that unusual.

      thanks for your comment and I hope to see you on here again soon.

      Best regards

      Pen xx

  5. October 17, 2015 / 1:53 pm

    We are in the same position in that if I had stayed with my ex we would be having a second baby around now. That was a future plan too. I wrote about this in my recent separation update and it doesn’t help that all of my friends are now having baby no. 2. Saying that though I’ve realised the positives of having one, at this point in time at least. I can give my son all the attention he needs, do all of the things that are fun without a little newborn in tow. For example, I’ve been travelling with him a lot lately and I love this new-found independence. He’s nearly two and a half & so adaptable and we can go on little adventures together. I always wanted more than one but then life doesn’t always go to plan. Saying that though, you never know what the future holds 🙂
    Our Seaside Baby recently posted…Silent SundayMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      October 17, 2015 / 10:03 pm

      Hi,

      Lovely to hear from you again. I hope that you are okay. It is really good to hear that things are going okay and that you and the little one are getting out on little adventures. You are right, you never know what the future holds, but some things are easier to predict than others.

      Best regards

      Pen xx

  6. October 17, 2015 / 8:45 pm

    You never know what might happen in the next year or two!!!! You had the courage to make the decision and break free and you did this for the right reasons. Life isn’t over for you and women have babies looooong past mid 30’s.
    As for being a single Mum to two (1&3)…..Erm……they’re the light of my bloody life but jeeez, it’s so, so, hard.
    I’m still breastfeeding too (almost 15 months) and although I say I’m desperate to stop, I know he’s my last baby so I’m glad we’ve stuck with it so long.
    Never say never…..! X

    • thesingleswan
      October 17, 2015 / 10:00 pm

      Hi,

      Really good to hear from you. I discovered your blog on the train this morning. I really like it and will be returning.

      Thanks so much for your comment. And good luck, and as you say ‘never say never’…however unlikely it may be.

      Take care.

      Pen xx

  7. October 18, 2015 / 9:26 pm

    I made the decision after my second child to get steralised for a whole number of reasons too numerous to put here, and even though it was the right thing for me, there are days when I get desperately broody.
    Thank you for linking up, Tracey xx #abitofeverything
    Tracey Abrahams recently posted…My Tattoo Story – The Fallen AngelMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      October 24, 2015 / 8:59 am

      Hi again Tracey.

      Thanks for your comment. xx

  8. October 23, 2015 / 2:05 am

    Even though, I have two small children I still get broody sometimes. I say I don’t want anymore – as it is hard work and I am so tried. But you just never know? I am from a big family – 6 + steps would be more. I honestly think having big family can be very complex – but I did say: one is enough before. So as someone commented earlier: Never say never! Xx Thank you so much for linking up with me again. Your baby’s pics are so adorable! #FabFridayPost
    Su {Ethan & Evelyn} recently posted…I Love Our School Run.My Profile

    • thesingleswan
      October 24, 2015 / 8:48 am

      You are right. Never say never, but lets be honest – it’s highly unlikely. Take care. x

  9. October 23, 2015 / 2:08 pm

    I completely understand where you are coming from. My daughter’s father and I split when she was 3 months old. I wanted another one much soon and now, nearly 9 years later and after 4 and half years of being with Ross, we have spent 2 years trying. I never saw myself with just one and it is so hard. Lovely photos. Thank you for linking to #PoCoLo x
    Verily Victoria Vocalises recently posted…Post Comment Love and Newbie Showcase 23rd to 25th October 2015My Profile

    • thesingleswan
      October 24, 2015 / 8:38 am

      Hi Vicky,

      Thanks for your comment. It is really hard isn’t it. I am so pleased for you that you managed to find Ross and I do hope that the trying works out. If not, you have a wonderful family already. Fate has life mapped out for us I think. Sometimes things are just meant (or not meant) to be. Loads of love.x

  10. November 3, 2015 / 9:36 pm

    I’ve been really broody lately too. 2 of my close cousins have just had babies and a friend had her 3rd. I absolutely loved holding them and giving them kisses on their head. I never say never so here’s to hoping…that maybe one day it won’t be too late to do it all again. Who knows, maybe in a couple of years I won’t even want to. But I’m not holding my breath on that one xx
    Natasha recently posted…Children and religionMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      November 3, 2015 / 11:31 pm

      You never know. People keep saying never say never in their comments which is really supportive and sweet, but I am being realistic…x

  11. January 20, 2016 / 12:28 pm

    Aww Pen, this was me for years! I was gutted about it as I’d always envisaged I’d have 2 or 3 kids and a happy little family. It took me ages to get over it. Then I met Dan and he’s not very paternal so I have kind of come round to the idea of not having any more. However lately I’ve been pondering this again. I’m 38 this year and he is 40 so it’s now or never. I don’t want to regret trying when we had a chance so it’s up for discussion at the moment. I’m not sure I’ll be able to but nothing ventured and all that…who knows and you never know what’s in store for you either. Life is very unpredictable! Lots of love xx

    • thesingleswan
      January 20, 2016 / 9:31 pm

      Thanks Tor, and good luck to you and Dan whatever the two of you decide to do. Loads of love to you too. xx

  12. October 23, 2016 / 9:18 am

    Ahhh I can’t have another due to health complications and I sometimes feel sad about this. Also, my autistic son coped very badly when his sister arrived and I don’t think I could do it to him again. On one hand, you never know what might happen in your future, on the other, I think some of us will just always get that pang when we see a newborn – even if we know another baby is not possible or impractical for a million good reasons. Thanks so much for linking to #KCACOLS. We hope you come back next week.

    • thesingleswan
      October 26, 2016 / 7:03 pm

      Hi again Danielle,

      You are right. I sometimes wonder whether the pangs that I get when I see a newborn are a sign that I want another, or just a sign that I am a mother and I remember the overwhelming emotion of holding your own newborn. Thanks for your comment. Pen x

  13. October 23, 2016 / 12:21 pm

    Wow, those newborn pics really do pull on the womb-strings! It must be a difficult situation to be in, I can’t imagine this being my last feed, my last baby etc but that said, there are so many exciting stages to come and you’ll have an amazing relationship with him. Never say never! (oh and here’s hoping for nieces and nephews – they’re even better.. they go back!!) #kcacols
    Devon Mama recently posted…Recipe: ‘Good For You’ GranolaMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      October 23, 2016 / 8:28 pm

      Haha, yes they definitely do pull on the womb strings. I agree with you about nieces and nephews though. I have a 20 day old niece. She is beautiful, but it is quite nice to be able to give her back for the nights. Pen x

  14. October 23, 2016 / 8:21 pm

    I’m feeling broody again (I already have a 3 month old and 18 month old!!) especially now my friend has announced she’s pregnant! I think there’s something wrong with me haha #KCACOLS

    • thesingleswan
      October 23, 2016 / 8:24 pm

      hahaa, no there is nothing wrong with you. It is nature and evolution and babies are soo very cute. Pen x

  15. October 23, 2016 / 8:34 pm

    My son was four when my first marriage ended, and with our second son having died two years previously, I was desperate for another baby. When I divorced I felt as though I was grieving all over again for the baby I would never have, but I accepted it and I moved on. Two years later I went on a date with an old friend from school, three months later we moved in together, three months following he proposed and we married the next year with my eight year old son by my side and a 12 week old daughter in our arms. The following year we had a second daughter and just 12 months later, a son. My point is, never say never, none of us know what’s around the corner. #kcacols
    five little doves recently posted…Our Halloween Highlights!!My Profile

    • thesingleswan
      October 24, 2016 / 7:55 pm

      Wow! What a wonderful story. You have really been through it though. Well done. You must have had to have been so incredibly strong at times. Thanks for your comment. Pen x

  16. October 23, 2016 / 8:51 pm

    This is such an amotive post but you can never say never! You may meet someone! I get so broody with newborns, I have friends due in the run up to Christmas so I’m sure I’m going to be feeling super broody! #KCACOLS
    Louise recently posted…Visiting the pumpkins at Garsons PYOMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      October 24, 2016 / 7:53 pm

      haha, I know you can never say never, but I very much doubt that I will have another one. Good luck with the broodiness in the next few months. Pen x

  17. October 24, 2016 / 7:48 am

    Aw they are very cute pictures but I have to say my broodiness seems dead and buried these days! Lucky really as the Mr wanted to stop at one but Izzy sneaked her way into our family 😉 x #KCACOLS

    • thesingleswan
      October 24, 2016 / 7:52 pm

      haha, thanks very much for your comment. Pen x

  18. October 24, 2016 / 1:15 pm

    I’m in a similar situation, but for me it’s that my husband is refusing to have another one, and I think the gap is too big now. Also I am a lot older now, but the broodiness can be really intense at times! #KCACOLS

    • thesingleswan
      October 24, 2016 / 7:51 pm

      Hi Sarah, thanks for your comment. I am glad I am not the only one. Pen x

  19. October 24, 2016 / 2:55 pm

    I appreciate your candor with this piece. I actually didn’t marry until I was 33 and had my twins at 37. On many days I felt in my bones that I would never be a mom. Honestly, I was shocked when my pregnancy happened and actually came to fruition. My mom’s best friend’s oldest daughter had a baby unexpectedly (and blessedly) at 47 with a boyfriend. She had thought previously that she would never be able to have children.

    My message here is just this: allow yourself to vent and share your feelings as you are now. Then tell yourself that you are going to give yourself a break from thinking about it.

    Dating may be the farthest thing from your mind now, but you may not feel that way in a few months or a few years. Then you never know what could happen.

    Thank you for this post!
    #KCACOLS

    • thesingleswan
      October 24, 2016 / 7:50 pm

      Hi,

      thanks very much for your comment. I know that you can never say never and that things can change in an instant, but I also feel in my bones that I will never have another child. I have made my peace with that fact, although I do on occasion feel a little broody. thanks for your lovely comment. Pen x

    • thesingleswan
      October 26, 2016 / 6:58 pm

      When you put it like that, I kind of hope they are not! Thanks for your comment Mainy. Pen x

  20. October 27, 2016 / 4:38 am

    There is always something about seeing a newborn that gets us giddy inside. Here’s to hoping you have a little niece or nephew soon! #KCACOLS

    • thesingleswan
      October 27, 2016 / 8:32 pm

      Hi Laura,

      thank you. Pen x

  21. October 27, 2016 / 10:11 am

    I imagine it must hard to accept this when the decision was somewhat taken away from you. You haven’t said one child is enough for me, it was the relationship. Enjoy the lasts, savour them. But never say never! You simply don’t now what the future will hold. Don’t worry about not going out much, you have a young child, even with a steady partner you can’t just go out and socialise any more, it takes planning.
    #KCACOLS

    • thesingleswan
      October 27, 2016 / 8:31 pm

      Hi Kirsty,

      thanks for your lovely comment. Much appreciated. Pen x

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