I want to set up an online dating site.

for all of those ex boyfriends and girlfriends out there who are right for someone…just not us”.


My ex feels very sorry for himself. You can understand why, his fiancée left him, not without good reason I might add, but I did leave him.

And he can no longer see his son every day, not that he did when we were still affianced because he was often out socialising or working late.  In fact, days would pass when he didn’t see his baby son.  I guess it’s a psychological thing; when he arrived home a little bit drunk he knew that his son was asleep in a cot along the corridor and I, his fiancée, was asleep in his bed. 

My ex is now rattling around in a three bedroom house on his own a lot of the time – not all of the time though, because our son does go to stay.  In fact, I would say that since we separated, my ex actually sees a lot more of our son.  They spend proper time together.  Every cloud and all that. 

My ex now has to do his own cooking (he puts the microwave meal in the microwave) and ironing and feeding of the cat.  My ex employs a cleaner to do his cleaning.  My ex has to do his own admin, his own decorating, his own gardening.  My ex has to collect his own parcels from the post-office, he has to organise his own plates in the kitchen cupboards, his own clothes in the wardrobe, he has to pay his own bills, not just half of them and by direct debit set up and administered by someone else. 

My life is so much easier and simpler now, but my ex blames, begrudges and resents me.

I was thinking the other day, that my life will be so much better when my ex meets someone else.  I know that another woman in the co-parenting relationship, or whatever we are supposed to call it, will complicate things, but I can’t help but think that if my ex had a new focus in his life, a new girlfriend, a new admin assistant, a new fiancée, a wife, then he would spend less time thinking about how he hates me.  He would spend less time thinking about how I have ruined his vision of a future with a pretty and compliant wife and two beautiful, successful and well behaved children.

I have decided to write my ex a dating profile.  I have decided to My ex is right for someone, just not me!

Join me in writing an online dating profile for your ex on*. 

Key details for your ex:

Name: Prince Charming

Age: A decade older than he wants to be.

Height: Quite tall

Build: Slight (and a little insecure about it)

Hair colour: Strawberry blonde (most definitely not ginger, he won’t like it if you call him ginger – readers please note this is his insecurity not my discrimination – I had his child remember!)

Eyes: Blue

Describe your ex in 5 words:

Charming, in fact charm personified.  Has a repertoire of vaguely intellectual anecdotes and stories to role out at any social event.  He will endear himself to all of your friends and family by just being…well…charming. 

Attractive.  Well of course. 

Intelligent.  Well to be honest, he probably isn’t naturally super-intelligent. Don’t get me wrong.  He’s above average.  He’s got a University degree. Spontaneous wit doesn’t feature in his repertoire.  Rehearsed wit does.   On paper he is intelligent.

Successful. He works hard.  Like really hard.  Admirably so. Then you will realise that work comes first.  It always has and it always will. 

Wealthy.  Of course he is wealthy.  He works hard.

WLTM: Describe what your ex is looking for in life and in a partner: 

  • A wife who is pretty and who bears him two children who then go to private school, preferably boarding. 
  • A wife who supports him and who can moderately challenging but who can and will ultimately bow to his far superior judgement, experience, knowledge and intelligence. 
  • A wife who can support him in pursuit of his career. 
  • A wife who is blonde.
  • A wife who has blue eyes (my ex has some bizarre notion that blue-eyed men are subconsciously attracted to blue-eyed women because a blue eyed man and a blue eyed woman can only have a blue eyed child.  I don’t know whether or not this is true, but my ex maintains that had we had a brown eyed child, he would have known straight away that I had cheated.)

Health warnings:  There is someone out there for everyone, but we all like to know what we are letting ourselves in for.  What health warnings does your ex come with?

He is full of contradictions –  he is devoutly Catholic when it comes to insisting on a Catholic baptism for our son, but is not Catholic enough to bother getting out of bed to go to church ever.   

He can get very emotional…to get his own way.

It is his money and he decides how it should be spent…

He will look after you and care for you, but in a way that reinforces his control. 

You marry him and you marry his family too.  Watch out for those in-laws! 

Can you write a dating profile for your ex? 

Suggested headings are:

Key details for your ex

Describe your ex in 5 words

WLTM: Describe what your ex is looking for in life and in a partner

Health warnings:  There is someone out there for everyone, but we all like to know what we are letting ourselves in for.  What health warnings does your ex come with?

* doesn’t actually exist.  I just made it up. 

Ethan & Evelyn

Life with Baby Kicks
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  1. October 9, 2015 / 8:59 pm

    Thinking about at least one of my ex’s, I’m not sure I hate the world enough to write a profile to encourage anyone else to date them. Match my ex is a genius idea though, I’m amazed that no one is actually doing it!
    Mrs Tubbs recently posted…It’s My Birthday! Sharing Cake and Life LessonsMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      October 10, 2015 / 7:01 pm

      Excellent. I’m amazed no one is actually doing it. Maybe I should. I don’t have that many exes though. x

  2. October 9, 2015 / 9:17 pm

    I’m pretty sure I saw something along these lines on Sex and the City (which I find has the answers to pretty much everything in life). The tagline was “one woman’s trash is another woman’s treasure,” which was a pretty upbeat and optimistic take on it, but it did come from Charlotte!
    Min recently posted…BALL!My Profile

    • thesingleswan
      October 10, 2015 / 7:00 pm

      Ahhh, I knew I should watch more Sex and the City. I thought I had a vaguely original idea. And her tagline is so much better than mine. thanks for your comment.

  3. October 9, 2015 / 10:18 pm

    Great post. Reading that I’m pretty sure you are way to clever for Prince Charming! #EFFITFriday
    Morna recently posted…Save our StickeezMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      October 10, 2015 / 6:59 pm

      Ahh, thanks. that’s very flattering. #effitfriday

  4. October 10, 2015 / 3:10 pm

    I love the idea of you really should market it. After all, we should all pass on our used toys 😉
    Random Musings recently posted…Twitter ReviewMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      October 10, 2015 / 7:10 pm

      Hi Debbie,

      I like that = ‘here have my used toy’ I don’t know that I would ever have described my ex as a toy. Thanks for your comment.

  5. October 11, 2015 / 4:31 pm

    I was thinking who among my ex is still single! No one! They are all taken but this is fun thing to do =)

    Merlinda Little (@pixiedusk) recently posted…My Sunday PhotoMy Profile

  6. October 13, 2015 / 12:47 pm

    This is such a great idea! My ex is just the same as yours as in he should get someone else – although I wouldn’t actually wish him upon someone else if I’m honest! Thanks for linking to #PoCoLo x
    Verily Victoria Vocalises recently posted…A Seagull Takes Off at Weymouth HarbourMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      October 16, 2015 / 8:49 pm

      Yes, I am not sure whether I would wish my ex on someone else either, but hey.

      thanks for hosting #PoCoLo

    • thesingleswan
      October 16, 2015 / 8:48 pm

      Cool, thanks for your comment, and yes, I will be back soon…probably next week in fact. #bestandworst

  7. October 15, 2015 / 5:57 pm

    This is hilarious! And I love that you’re at the place where you can see the relationship is better now, than before. For you and your son. Ironically, now that your ex is doing all these things for himself he will make a better partner for the next woman. Too bad he didn’t learn these lessons in time to be the right one for you!
    Nikki Frank-Hamilton recently posted…#WAYWOW 20!!! Whoo-Hoo! Ya’ll Rock! Let’s Party!My Profile

    • thesingleswan
      October 16, 2015 / 8:41 pm

      Hi Nikki,

      I know now that no amount of cleaning and admin would have made my ex the right one for me, but you are right, it will hopefully help him to be the right one for someone. Thanks for your comment. x

  8. October 15, 2015 / 8:02 pm

    Love it! “He can get very emotional…to get his own way.” I think this is call a tantrum? lol! Thanks for linking up with me. #FabFridayPost
    Su {Ethan & Evelyn} recently posted…Boys can wear cardigan too.My Profile

    • thesingleswan
      October 16, 2015 / 8:40 pm

      You are right. It is a tantrum. I had never thought of it like this. Great thing is that his son is likely to inherit his tantrumability. Great. #FabFridayPost

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