Prince Charming, let me introduce you to my ex

To have social airs and graces is a great skill. The ability to waltz into a room and flirt mildly with those about you is really useful.  Small talk and a sprinkling of intellectual conversation, not too much because that is boring, but enough to make others think highly of you is a great tool in Prince Charming, my ex’s toolkit.  Prince Charming, my ex, had these skills in spades. He could charm the pants off anyone. Without wanting to put too fine a point on it, although he is a self proclaimed ‘serial monogamist’, he does charm the pants off many.

 Prince Charming

Back in January this year, when Prince Charming, my ex, and I were still engaged to be married, we travelled up to Liverpool to go to my Aunt’s 60th birthday. Our relationship was in dire straits; we separated less than a month later, but no-one knew how bad things were. No-one really knew how unhappy I was. No-one knew how controlling he was being, how he had threatened to break up with me if I did not agree to have our son christened a Catholic (a religion and moral framework that Prince Charming, my ex, does not live by – in fact he never even goes to church…his mum wanted our son christened a Catholic and my ex is beholden to his mother).

We went to the family do. People drank. People danced. A band was playing. It was a really nice do.  Prince Charming, my ex, chatted with all of my relatives.  He ceroc’d with all of my Aunt’s friends. All the middle aged women thought he was gorgeous, the best thing since sliced bread. “What a beautiful couple” they all said. “What a lucky lady to have such an intelligent, attractive partner.” I felt trapped. I felt miserable. I was the one looking sour faced and depressed. I was the one who needed to ‘relax’ a little. I was also the one who was getting up through the night to feed our son, who was trying not to drink too much because I was breastfeeding, who was holding everything together.  The charm  prevailed. His audience was won over.

The audience is still won over. Last weekend my Aunt was in London. We caught up. She came to my new flat, had a picnic in the park with my son, my sister and my parents. I then had to leave because I had to drop my son off at Prince Charming, my ex’s, his Dad’s, for 5.  When I left my Aunt told my Mum about how sorry she felt for Prince Charming, my ex. “He was lovely” she said, “so friendly and fun-loving at my birthday, and now Pen has left him and he doesn’t get to see his son.  I just know how mortified my son-in-law would be if he didn’t get to see his son.”  My Mum started to explain the situation but it is a long story and a story which few who have met Prince Charming, my ex, can believe. My ex is, and always will be, Prince Charming.   

So, for anyone out there who has met Prince Charming, my ex, not that any of you would even know if you have what with me blogging anonymously and all that:

  • I left Prince Charming, my ex, because he always had to have his own way
  • I left Prince Charming, my ex, because his view was always right…even when it was very very wrong
  • I left Prince Charming, my ex, because he didn’t support me
  • I left Prince Charming, my ex, because his family always came first
  • I left Prince Charming, my ex, because he took other people for granted.  He exploited their generosity.
  • I left Prince Charming, my ex, because I had moral issues not just with his views but also the way he dismissed the views of others
  • I left Prince Charming, my ex, because he has a temper
  • I left Prince Charming, my ex, because he uses his ‘emotions’ to manipulate others
  • I left Prince Charming, my ex, so I can be me.
  1. Prince Charming, my ex DOES see our son regularly and for long periods of time (up to three overnight stays a week).   In fact, I am so concerned that what Prince Charming, my ex, is demanding is not in the best interests of our son that I am taking him to mediation to discuss it.   We have to discuss things at mediation because Prince Charming, my ex, has a temper when he doesn’t get his own way.  I find his anger intimidating.
  2. Prince Charming, my ex, has paid me a small sum of maintenance for the month of July. He has paid me nothing for August despite earning a small fortune. 
  3. Prince Charming, my ex, is refusing to even pay half of the costs for our son.  Not big things, just general admin – like half the cost of redirecting our son’s post or half the cost of a new buggy. 

I am writing this here on my anonymous blog because I can’t say it out loud.  Even though our son is only one year old it is not in his best interests to hear this.  He should be allowed to look up to and to love his Dad.

But Ladies and Gentlemen please be aware, Prince Charming, my ex, will charm you and smarm you and reel you in.  Please don’t be fooled. Prince Charming is a fairytale.  HE DOESN’T EXIST!  

   

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50 Comments

  1. August 27, 2015 / 9:12 pm

    Oh Prince Charming eh? Ya, nothing worse than everyone seeing the fake person, while you have to deal with the real jerk in public.

    Been there, with no advice for you, sadly.

    #snotallaboutyou (whoa, this hashtag seems mean right now eh?)

    • thesingleswan
      August 28, 2015 / 9:04 pm

      Yes, this hashtag is most appropriate. #snotallaboutyou.

      Thanks for your comment,x

  2. August 27, 2015 / 9:14 pm

    Whoops, I meant real jerk in private. sorry 🙂 (please edit me?)

    • thesingleswan
      August 28, 2015 / 9:04 pm

      I am not sure which is worse – jerk in private or jerk in public. Just avoid Jerks – that’s probably the key message. x

  3. Lori
    August 27, 2015 / 9:58 pm

    my x boyfriend was like this. A controlling, manipulative narcissist. I am so greatful he is my x. I never ever have to hear from him ever again.

    Congratulations of leaving and good luck in your new life 🙂

    • thesingleswan
      August 28, 2015 / 9:03 pm

      Hi Lori,

      thanks for your comment. Unfortunately, I will have a relationship with my ex for the rest of my life probably because we are both parents to our wonderful son. This is why I blog – so that I can confine my rants and frustrations to my anonymous blog and hopefully put on a brave and happy face when my son is around. x

  4. August 28, 2015 / 12:08 am

    I completely understand. I’ve had run-ins with Prince Charming types before and know how they can lie and manipulate and how controlling they can be. No, Prince Charming most definitely doesn’t exist. Thanks for sharing!
    Michelle recently posted…6 Self-Care Strategies that Improve Mental HealthMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      August 28, 2015 / 9:02 pm

      Hi Michelle,

      Thanks for your comment. Definitely avoiding Prince Charmings in future. Give me a socially awkward and warm hearted man any day. x

  5. August 28, 2015 / 1:16 pm

    I had a Prince Charming, like yours. His anger was scary. He used to throw things at me and slam doors, shout at me and all sorts. It got worse and worse until I was final able to leave. Nobody suspected, as he ‘was perfect, in every way.’ It was a very scary time. I’m glad I was able to get out. I’m so glad you got out too. Prince Charmings can be very awkward when it comes to money and chatting in front of other people. I’m sorry to hear you Aunt didn’t understand your situation. People see things from their own point of view/worldview so if she hadn’t been treated badly herself, she’d find it very difficult to understand what kind of things happened in your relationship with him. #BrilliantBlogPosts
    Bek Dillydrops recently posted…Siblings August 2015My Profile

    • thesingleswan
      August 28, 2015 / 9:00 pm

      Hi, thanks for your comment. My prince Charming never threw things at me. He did slam a few doors though and used to slam his fist on the table. I am really glad to be out. My new flat is my safe haven. Thanks for your comment #BrilliantBlogPosts

  6. August 28, 2015 / 6:54 pm

    Oh yes, I have come across some Prince Charmings in my time. Sending love and hugs and high fives for being you now!! #bestandworst xx

    • thesingleswan
      August 28, 2015 / 8:58 pm

      Thank you #bestandworst

    • thesingleswan
      August 28, 2015 / 8:58 pm

      Hi, yes, it feels a lot better thanks. Sorry for ranting. x

  7. August 29, 2015 / 12:52 pm

    I think we’ve all come across the Prince Charmings of this world sadly most do turn out be toads!
    Only YOU know what happens and why other people only get to see snapshots
    Alice Megan recently posted…Look in my letterbox #62 linkyMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      August 29, 2015 / 4:10 pm

      Hi Alice, Most do turn out to be toads. There must be some good ones out there, or at least some that don’t pretend to be something they are not. Ah my.

  8. August 30, 2015 / 5:29 pm

    Sometimes I wish I blogged anonymously so I could write posts as honest as this! At least you have somewhere you can tell your own story. Prince Charming sounds like more of a Hans than a Christoff- I hope that mediation helps you to stand up to him. #thelist
    Morna recently posted…A lovely day out – for free! My Profile

  9. August 30, 2015 / 7:32 pm

    Yes I think I mentioned on one of your other posts about knowing someone exactly like this who still destroys my friend even she and he have both remarried other partners.

    You have a beautiful way of writing, my dear single swan. He may charm the pants off the general public but you are charming right here on your little blog in your corner of the web. And he can’t take that away from you. Thanks for linking on #effitfriday

  10. August 31, 2015 / 7:16 am

    Sometimes it really helps to get it all out and write it down doesn’t it! Well done you for being strong and being independent. Thanks for sharing with the #bestandworst and hope you’ll pop by again. Good luck with your future. X
    helen gandy recently posted…The Threenager – Chapter 2My Profile

    • thesingleswan
      September 3, 2015 / 8:55 pm

      Hi Helen,

      thanks for your comment. Yes, it does help to get it all out and write it down. Have I mentioned that I blog for therapy? Ah yes, I suspect you’ve all guessed that. Thanks again. #bestandworst

  11. September 1, 2015 / 12:44 pm

    You are right – Prince Charming IS a fairytale. Some people can be so good at being whatever you want them to be, at first, and then when you’ve been sucked in, it makes things much harder. You’re a really strong woman! Thanks for linking up #snotallaboutyou
    Rebecca U recently posted…Lumia 640 Smart Phone ReviewMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      September 3, 2015 / 8:53 pm

      Hi Rebecca,

      Thanks for your comment and for your support. Enough of the fairytales! #snotallaboutyou

  12. September 1, 2015 / 6:35 pm

    I don’t think your ex is the only one and there are many men out there that have these skills to hide their true self but I think it eventually comes out in the end. Time will tell my lovely. Bless you. Thank you for linking up to Share With Me #sharewithme
    Jenny recently posted…Bloggers inspire meMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      September 3, 2015 / 8:48 pm

      Hi Jenny,

      thanks for your comment. You are right, there are many men out there who have these skills – just check the number of reports of them in the comments to this blog post! Thanks for reading and for hosting #sharewithme.

  13. September 1, 2015 / 6:53 pm

    Good for you! This must have felt like you got a whole load of emotions off your chest. I feel sorry for the next lady he swoons.

    • thesingleswan
      September 3, 2015 / 8:47 pm

      So do I! and yes, this was a very cathartic post to write. Thanks for your comment.

  14. September 2, 2015 / 10:26 pm

    You’ve done it again my love, another post I can completely relate to!!
    I too have a prince charming ex, who attended the same kids of friends birthday party recently, who awkwardly winked at me when I took the high road and said hello first, who made me feel completely awkward around whilst he paraded the girl that looks like me around on his dashing arm!!
    Whilst I spent quality time with my daughter, step daughter and friends, remembering why I left the toss pot, who terrified me with his temper and wasn’t THAT charming once you got to know him!!
    Amazing post xxx
    Gemma – @mumofabean recently posted…Big Girl Pj’s and Big Girl ShoesMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      September 3, 2015 / 8:42 pm

      Do we have the same ex do you reckon? This sounds uncannily familiar. I am sure we don’t but they are most certainly cut from the same cloth. Dear God – please break the mould!

  15. October 17, 2015 / 4:48 pm

    Other people can like him all they want – they haven’t got to live with him!! No one knows your partner like you do. No one sees the warts and all. The next time anyone says something like that about him – how wonderful he is – I suggest you say “you marry him then!”
    Good luck with your future and being strong enough to be you X

    • thesingleswan
      October 17, 2015 / 10:02 pm

      Hi Stephanie,

      Thanks very much for your support. I appreciate it. You are right. No one else does have to live with him. He now lives on his own. Take care. x

    • thesingleswan
      October 17, 2015 / 10:01 pm

      Hi Stephanie,

      Thanks for your comment. That is really good to hear. Take care

  16. Joanna Frangos
    January 5, 2016 / 11:02 am

    hi there, have to comment on your blog. I have just come across it and really enjoy your honesty and way of writing. The Prince Charming so well described by you is also known the name of the Cunning Narcissist. I had a relationship with one which ended a year and a half ago. He is now planning his Spring wedding to his new girlfriend. I have seen photos of them together (FB) and I feel uncomfortable. Really because he is in the first flush of “charming-ness” with her. Before his temper reveals itself. Before his need to control emerges from the shadows. I hope for her sake that he is changed man.

    • thesingleswan
      January 5, 2016 / 9:38 pm

      Hi Joanna,

      I very much doubt that your ‘cunning narcissist’ ex is a changed man – a leopard doesn’t change his spots. His need to control will emerge from the shadows and his temper will reveal itself. I feel sad for her and I have never met her. Thanks for your comment. I am glad you like the blog and I hope to see you back here soon. Take care.

  17. April 23, 2016 / 6:39 am

    I feel some of your pain with this, I too had similar but it turned out my ex wass a nod still is a pathological liar, our whole relationship had been based on lies. Maintenance payments are completely hit & miss and he hasn’t seen our son since he was 9 months old, he’s now 3.5 yo. It cuts like a knife when people can’t see the “true” them doesn’t it x
    Mum-Work-Repeat recently posted…Wicked Wednesdays #4My Profile

    • April 23, 2016 / 6:40 am

      Sorry a few typos there! I was trying to reply on my phone with a certain little man jumping all over me!
      Mum-Work-Repeat recently posted…Wicked Wednesdays #4My Profile

      • thesingleswan
        April 23, 2016 / 9:43 pm

        Ah yes, I know how that works! thanks for your comment. Pen x

    • thesingleswan
      April 23, 2016 / 9:45 pm

      Hi, yes it does. I feel like shouting it to the world. Instead I am posting it on an anonymous blog – not quite the same. Pen xx

  18. Laurel
    September 6, 2016 / 7:32 pm

    Iv’e had a couple of Prince Charming’s unfortunately, who had all of my relatives (and me for a while) duped. One of them was even related to me through my extended family (not blood related!) and managed to spread an untrue explanation of the reasons for our break-up – painting me in a bad light of course – to colour their view of me. My own Nan even told me that my relationships would never work because I ‘was so controlling’. This was complete tosh. He kept quiet about trashing my flat in a rage, his endless sulking and secretly recording our arguments then emailing those sound files to his friends.

    However, I thought it was a shame that you ended by saying that Prince Charming does not exist. Are all charming men false and self-seeking? My husband is loved by everyone, but he is truely absolutely lovely.
    There are some fantastic men out there. Don’t lose hope x

    • thesingleswan
      September 6, 2016 / 8:22 pm

      Hi Laurel,

      I sounds like you really had some toads. Jeeez.

      I hope you are right that real Prince Charmings do exist. I have never met one, but I am really glad that your hubbie is fantastic. It sounds like you deserve it. Pen x

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