It struck me last night that my blog is quite negative, it is quite downbeat and on occasion, just a little bit depressing. I mean, it is not always depressing, from time to time I write something positive; my parents are superheroes was quite a positive post for example, as was my post about the royal baby. Generally though, my posts are a bit glum. I have spoken about my relationship breakdown. I have used my blog as wine fuelled therapy when I am feeling really down. I have even written one post about my decision to get some counselling.
In fact, when I think about it, it is a good job that I blog anonymously, otherwise, being the supportive parent blogger community that you are, I suspect you would have arranged for the Samaritans to give me a call or for the Police to check that I haven’t slit my wrists. I exaggerate, but I doubt anyone feels uplifted after reading one of my posts.
On Sunday, I had a great day. It was my day with baby. (A very quick synopsis of me for new readers: I am a newly single mum. I have just returned to work full time. My ex partner and I are having our son for one day each at weekends. I really really really miss my boy.)
He woke up at six. We don’t usually get up until seven, so I fetched him from his cot and put him in bed beside me. He fidgeted and chatted (in the way that only 9 month old babies can), pulled my hair, kicked me, giggled, smiled, but generally made it quite clear that he had no intention of sleeping. I gave up and breastfed him his morning milk. It was wonderful.
The whole day was wonderful. In no particular order:
- We played with his train set. I constructed the train track, he picked the trains up and chewed them.
- We played with his animals. I lined them all up balancing on a box. He picked them up and chewed them.
- He giggled uncontrollably when I rolled his toy car over his naked belly.
- His eyes darted backwards and forwards as a train went past when we were waiting on the station platform for our train.
- He ate three bowls of porridge, two mini breadsticks, pear and strawberry puree, a load of my mashed potato and onion gravy from the lunch I was eating with a friend, fish pie and then a yoghurt, plus two bottles of milk and three breastfeeds. We have always struggled with feeding (milk and weaning) so this is a real achievement.
- He watched the world go by at the Southbank Centre.
- He smiled back at me when he caught me just watching him.
- I let the cat lick his yoghurt pot after he had finished his yoghurt. He then grabbed the cat and the yoghurt pot and started licking the yoghurt pot himself. Not hygienic at all and I grabbed the yoghurt pot from him very quickly, but I was impressed at his copying skills and quick learning.
- When he was asleep, I couldn’t wait for him to wake up again. I didn’t want to put him to bed; I wanted to let him stay splashing in the bath all evening.
- When we were lying on the floor playing flying baby and he was shrieking with excitement I didn’t want to stop.
I know that I miss my son terribly because I see so little of him, but I can tell you this for certain; when he is with me, when it is finally my day with him, I cherish every second, I enjoy every minute and I relish every hour.
I don’t know whether working full time and being a co-parenting single parent has made me appreciate the time I have with him more, but I am grateful for every second when I am with him. The time flies too quickly and I can’t imagine that it will ever be enough.
Loads of love.