“I want you for my sex toy”, I do not like Tinder

I’ve discovered that I do not like Tinder.

There is a wealth of advice out there that says that newly divorced or newly separated parents should wait to date.  Dating seems like a great idea to get over your ex, but you have to take the time to be yourself for a bit, to learn to like yourself again and to be happy in your own skin. 

This makes a lot of sense, but my ex, well…I am over him already, he is not for me! 

I went out for dinner with my single girlfriends and my male gay friend.  They are full of energy, full of laughs, full of life, and they are dating tornados.  Anything they don’t know about dating is not worth knowing.  They know blind dating, internet dating, speed dating, silent speed dating…yes, you read that correctly! The eyes are the window to the soul.  Apparently it is much easier to have a connection with someone after two minutes of eye gazing with them. Check out http://shhhdating.com/ for more information.  If you dare!

The conversation switched to Tinder.  Now, for those of you who don’t know, Tinder is an online dating app.  It links to your Facebook account to get your photos and advertises your location to potential matches based on some basic search criteria that you can configure.  Search criteria include age range and proximity to your location at any given time. When it first appeared on the dating market it was used as a casual sex app because it finds potential matches for you based on their proximity to you.  It has moved beyond that and apparently, everyone is on it.

I do not like Tinder

I asked my friends whether Tinder has a single mum section.  Their response was “Errr yeah! Get on it darl.  I am not sure it does have a single mum section but never mind.   The only rule that all my friends follow is “no selfies”.  Apparently anyone who needs to take a selfie is a social outcast. (Apologies to anyone out there on Tinder with a selfie photo.  This, of course, is a totally unfounded comment from some, by now, very drunk friends.)

I signed up to Tinder and started searching for dating potential.  It is a shallow app.  You look at photos and swipe right if you like the look of them and left if you don’t.  Simple! 

I swiped right on a few of potentials.  I got a few matches.  Once you have a match, you have the option to send a message.  I didn’t.  I just waited. 

And then I got this message from a match called ‘Jon’: 

“I’ve got to be honest.  I want you for my sex toy.  Are you up for that?”

Um… I do not like Tinder. 

I haven’t replied.

I do not like Tinder and I haven’t been on Tinder since. 

Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com

Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday


  1. May 21, 2015 / 9:09 pm

    Huh. And they say romance is dead. 🙂
    thenthefunbegan recently posted…If…My Profile

    • thesingleswan
      May 21, 2015 / 9:17 pm

      Yes, I was speechless. Oh well. It gave me something to write about. x

  2. May 21, 2015 / 9:16 pm

    I was completely enthralled with your post. I havent been dating in about 7 years since I met my husband so Tinder is only something I have heard about. I have to admit when I got to the end I burst out laughing. I so wasnt expecting that. Maybe neither were you 😉

    Great post!!! Good luck in the dating world, I am sure you will find better people than “Jons” 🙂

    I would love for you to come take a peek at my recent blog post. Hopefully if you like it you will follow my blog :)http://abigaildaybyday.blogspot.ca/2015/05/pms-and-all-its-glory.html

    I have just followed your blog 🙂

    Thanks for linking up with #themommylife

    • thesingleswan
      May 21, 2015 / 9:19 pm

      Hi, Thank you for reading and i am glad I made you laugh out loud. I didn’t laugh out loud. I was too shocked. I am going to sleep now but will take a look at your blog tomorrow.

      Thank you. x

  3. May 21, 2015 / 11:54 pm

    Love this post! I too experimented with online dating after my divorce, and actually that is how I met my fiancee, who I’ll be marrying in two months. Never thought to use that experience as a blog post. I did have some interesting matches! My advice, keep looking you’ll meet someone decent but maybe try eharmony or a site you ave to pay for. There are still some idiots but some actual decent ones as well! 🙂 Good Luck!

    • thesingleswan
      May 22, 2015 / 7:00 pm

      Hi Tania,

      It is great that you met your fiance via online dating. I will keep trying. I might try eharmony or match.com. Thanks and good luck with the wedding. xx

    • thesingleswan
      May 22, 2015 / 6:59 pm

      Hi Lisa,

      I am glad I cheered up your Friday morning. That is what blogging is all about right? Have a great weekend.

    • thesingleswan
      May 22, 2015 / 6:56 pm

      I have some friends who have been on loads of dates with guys they’ve met on Tinder so it must work for some people. It was probably a bit unfortunate that Jon was my first message. Oh, well. It was good for a blog post! Have a good weekend. xx

  4. May 23, 2015 / 1:46 pm

    Oh my!! What a shame, I am reliably informed that you definitely have to sift through the sex maniacs and there’s the occasional gem. I’m actually doing research on Tinder at university and this might be a bit cheeky but! – If you had 5 minutes to spare I’d hugely appreciate you completing my short questionnaire

    I’m after 17 more participants so if your single friends were feeling kind too 😉
    Alice Megan recently posted…Look in my letterbox #48 linkyMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      May 24, 2015 / 7:14 pm

      Hi Alice,

      Thanks for your comment. I have given up for now. I can’t be bothered with the sex maniacs and then having to explain that I am a single mum (but no, contrary to the stereotype I am not desperate for sex or a husband – few single mothers are from my experience).

      thanks for the link to your survey. I have completed it and would be interested in hearing your results. I am afraid I can’t really recommend it to my friends without creating some elaborate story about how I came across your survey (I blog anonymously and haven’t told a single person that I am spending hours on the internet blogging).

      Good luck with your studies and thank you for reading my blog.

      Take care xx

    • June 5, 2015 / 8:37 am

      Hi Alice, I’ll fill it out for you…I had a brief encounter with Tinder x
      Natasha recently posted…22/52My Profile

    • thesingleswan
      May 24, 2015 / 11:17 pm

      Hi Debbie,

      thanks very much for your comment. Thanks also for the One Lovely Blog Award nomination. I am trying to think of 7 random things about me at the moment – watch this space. xx

  5. May 25, 2015 / 9:57 am

    HAHA!!! Love this!!
    Me and Hubby watched a programme about it the other night and I find it all a bit hard to get my head around 🙂
    Ami (mymummyspam) recently posted…New life during loss..My Profile

    • thesingleswan
      May 25, 2015 / 7:19 pm


      I am glad you enjoyed the post. I don’t often write amusing ones at the moment! Interested to hear that they have made a TV programme about Tinder… scary. Were there thousands of ‘Jons’? xx

  6. May 26, 2015 / 8:54 am

    This is the third time I’ve heard about Tinder this week. It sounds awful! Really, you’re worth more than that, you really are. Move on!
    Suzanne recently posted…The Annual Camping TripMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      May 26, 2015 / 9:20 pm

      Thanks Suzanne, I appreciate it. x

  7. May 30, 2015 / 4:31 pm

    Oh wow, he sounds like a keeper!

    I must admit to knowing bugger all about Tinder, it’s one of those things which I just don’t “get”, but the idea of Silent Speed Dating is hilarious… I have images of staring contests, weird winks and twitchy dry eyes!

    Well done on dipping your toes in the dating pool, even if only to realise that one aspect isn’t for you, can’t imagine it’s easy but yay for getting out there!
    Amanda recently posted…Fathers Day Gift Guide ~ House of FraserMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      May 30, 2015 / 7:44 pm

      If there is one thing I am probably not going to bother with it is silent speed dating – unless of course I run out of material for my blog in which case I might go and stare at some people.

      Thanks for your comment. I am glad you like the post. x

  8. June 5, 2015 / 8:41 am

    This had me laughing out loud. I had a brief encounter with Tinder, went on 2 dates, they weren’t bad guys but it wasn’t for me. I’m not into swiping left/right purely based on looks. I suppose it’s about what dating means to each person. I have to say though, my cousin met her boyfriend on Tinder and a year on, they are completely besotted with each other so I guess it works for some 🙂 xx
    Natasha recently posted…22/52My Profile

    • thesingleswan
      June 7, 2015 / 9:21 pm

      Excellent. I am glad that your cousin met her boyf on Tinder. I have to say that it is not for me either – not after that response anyway. x

    • thesingleswan
      November 23, 2015 / 9:52 pm

      thanks Julia. xx

  9. June 10, 2017 / 10:11 pm

    A lot of people use tinder for sex, which is fine. So I’d probably go the daggier dating website, because you’re more likely to get people after a relationship and people who are tired of tinder, and the married people and people just after sex will probably have moved over to tinder so you’ll skip wasting time with them. This of course has no basis in fact at all, Just what I think…and could be entirely wrong.
    Lydia C. Lee recently posted…What will you do with the extra day?My Profile

    • thesingleswan
      June 11, 2017 / 9:57 pm

      Thanks for your comment. pen x

  10. June 11, 2017 / 6:14 am

    Ewww there’s so many idiots on the internet! I wouldn’t be laughing either if I got a message like this. Urgh.


    • thesingleswan
      June 11, 2017 / 9:54 pm

      Hmm, it was an interesting one. Pen x

  11. June 11, 2017 / 9:06 am

    Wow just wow. Not replying is probably the only option there eh. I have lots of friends who use Tidner, some love it some not so much. I cannot say I would be overly enthralled if that were my experience either. I would probably be giving tinder a wide birth too. #KCACOLS

    • thesingleswan
      June 11, 2017 / 9:54 pm

      Thanks. Pen x

  12. June 11, 2017 / 10:14 am

    Tinder sounds like hell. Dating also sounds like hell (I didn’t bother with it). My friend met her bloke on Plenty Of Fish. #kcacols
    Bread recently posted…Poem: AffirmationMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      June 11, 2017 / 9:53 pm

      I have never even looked at Plenty of Fish. Pen x

    • thesingleswan
      June 12, 2017 / 9:52 pm

      Hi Amy, You might be right. Pen x

  13. June 12, 2017 / 11:04 am

    I’ve heard a lot of people say the same thing about Tinder. But I think some of the other dating websites out there are much better and know of a lot of people who have had success (myself included!). Don’t give up! Thanks for linking up with #KCACOLS, hope to see you again next time. x
    Cheryl @ Tea or Wine recently posted…5 Ways My Kids Have it Better Than MeMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      June 12, 2017 / 9:51 pm

      Thanks Cheryl. Pen x

  14. June 16, 2017 / 3:23 pm

    I didn’t realize that Tinder linked to your FB account. I don’t think I’d like that at all. #KCACOLS
    jeremy@thirstydaddy recently posted…The Joys of ReadingMy Profile

    • thesingleswan
      June 16, 2017 / 9:29 pm

      I know, scary right!
      Pen x

    • thesingleswan
      June 19, 2017 / 9:35 pm

      Brilliant. Unfortunately, my dad doesn’t really go to the pub. Pen x

  15. June 23, 2017 / 12:57 pm

    Oh Pen, how could you turn down such a wonderful opportunity?! I don’t really know much about Tinder, but reading this makes me quite glad of that fact! I think there are other online dating sites that would be a bit more promising for you! x #KCACOLS

    • thesingleswan
      June 23, 2017 / 7:02 pm

      I know. The things I am missing out on. Thanks for your comment Madeline. Pen x

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